Friday, October 23, 2009

Autumn Changes

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I so love the Fall season. It's full of so many changes. It is the one time of the year when I think you truly see natures beauty. Alas, my Fall is full of changes this year too. Just in case you haven't figured it out from cryptic post, I am now a single mother, not by choice. My husband has made his choice to move on without me and I have to follow. I have so many regrets now (waiting to go to school until he finished, putting my career on hold for the kids) and now it will be more difficult for me to fulfill my dreams. But, I will not stop these changes for preventing me from doing the things I wanted to do, from achieving my dreams, and from finding the happiness that true love can bring. I didn't let him leave without telling him that I still loved him and wanted him to stay, I didn't want to regret not letting him know, but it wasn't enough. There is no one to blame but ourselves as we really allowed ourselves to drift so far apart that we were no longer on the same page. Hopefully, things will continue to be amicable, although I'm sure I haven't made things easy. I am amazed at how much anger I have inside right now mixed at the same time with a sense of relief. I guess I feel relief because I felt it coming for a long time. My focus is now directed at my two babies, 5 years old and 21 months old. I think I'm the saddest of all for them. My youngest will never really know his father the way the oldest does and my oldest knows how her father is and is missing him terribly, not that he is an absent father just that she is used to having him around all the time. Anyway, this will be the last time that I mention this as I cannot move forward when I am looking back.


Kristen said...

I never know what to say in this sort of situation, but I feel for you deeply.


plainolebob said...

Lisa, life goes on and takes the turns, some good some bad. You are just now on a different road, don't worry about the scenery, just stay the course, you are strong, you are smart, you are beautiful, but most of all you have that never give up attitude.
we love you
big big BIG hugs
Bob and Bess

Linda K said...

The most important thing that you said is that your focus was on your two little ones. That is SO RIGHT! What you invest in them will reap tons in the future. All of your characters will be changed due to this change in your lives. Surround yourself with caring and wise people as you move ahead.

Lisa said...

Thanks guys for all your support. It is much appreciated.

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