Since I had decided to stay home, I had kept a positive attitude about things and have been feeling generally well about our situation. We've had to be somewhat cautious about our spending, but we were also able to splurge on occasion on a movie or dinner and I haven't had to balance the checkbook. Well, those days have ended as of today. The fuel filter on my Pontiac Montana went out, along with something else. I can't remember what the other thing was because I stopped hearing my mechanic talk after he said it was going to be $850 to fix the van. I guess it's time to write down my budget plan that I've been planning on doing for only the last year or so.
As you can see, I haven't posted any craft projects for recycling your unrecycleable junk. I've just been too busy. I got a season pass to the state parks system for going to the lake and have spent most of my time there. Which also got me thinking - I really need to lose some weight. When DH and I started dating, I weighed 135-140, which being 5'7" was pretty thin. I wore size six bottoms, only because I actually have a booty, and a large top because, unfortunately, I also have lots of...lets say...cleavage. Now, well...my clothing size is much larger (just not ready to go there). So, time to think about the big D - dieting. I don't really feel that I eat a lot and I don't keep lots of snacks in the house, but I don't know if I know how to cook without butter/oil. So, diet starts as of Monday - I gotta have at least one more weekend of eating what I want.
I'm contemplating going back to work. Last time I went back to work, I put work before my family, worked way more hours than I was supposed to, and was very miserable - busy all day long cleaning up everyone else's mess. But, I'm tired of having to balance the checkbook and clipping coupons, not going on vacation, and having debt that I can't pay off. Here's my list of pros/cons: Pros 1. I'll have money: Don't get me wrong, Jay makes good money, but I miss the days of being able to buy whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. I never balanced the checkbook and we always had money in savings for vacations or whatever. Besides, Isabel starts school next year and I really want to be moved into a different school district before she starts. 2. Isabel will be in daycare/preschool: This is a pro because she loves being around other kids and I just can't find a playgroup/mommy group that I like. 3. I can payoff my medical bills/credit cards: This would be great. If we didn't have the medical bills or credit card (just one thank God), we would actually be pretty well off. 4. It'll build my resume: OK, stupid pro, I know, but hear me out. Last time I went back to work, the question I always got was why was I out of work for so long. I hated having to explain that one.Also, if something should happen to my dear Hubby, I would be able to pick up the slack or take care of my family.
Cons 1. Noah will be in daycare: I hate putting my 6 month old baby in daycare when he is unable to tell me if anything is going on that I should know about. Plus, I'll miss out on some of his milestones. 2. Stress at work: I hated having a boss when I went back to work. I've enjoyed relaxing at home with my kids and not having anyone to tell me what to do. 3. Stress at home: Hubby was not happy when I went to work last time, although he didn't mind the extra money. I was always going in earlier and working later than I was supposed to, and being salaried, didn't get paid extra (hmm, sounds familiar...). 4. Pay sucks: It is so hard to find a job right now that pays enough to cover the added cost of 2 in daycare, extra fuel cost, extra clothing cost. They want a 4 year degree with 5 or more years experience, want you to be bookkeeper, office manager, HR and don't want to pay more than $30 a year.
So, should I just stop being materialistic and be happy being a mom or should I try to contribute to the family to reduce the stress off my husband?? Just don't know...
I'm so excited, my garden is actually looking like a garden as opposed to the muddy pit it was when I first started. My favorites so far are the Black n Blue Salvia and the Cleome. Now, if I can just keep the deer out. The second round of rooting my hydrangeas is working out pretty good and my rosemary and salvia have rooted well and are growing good already. My moonflower bush looks like it'll be ready to bloom any day now - I can't wait. The blooms look like they are going to be huge. Guess it's time to go ahead and lay some mulch down so that it looks a little neater. My compost is turning out really good. Got my catalogs ordered for my organic veggie garden that I'll be starting in the Spring. Planning on tomatoes, potatoes, yellow and red peppers, cucumbers, carrots, and maybe some squash or zucchini. Probably should grow some corn considering the price, but I'm wanting to keep it small. I've also got my peach tree in a pot that I need to decide whether to plant or move to a bigger pot.
I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me.
Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.