What a long strange day it has been. I know I haven't been around much lately, but I just haven't been creating anything new. I've been writing, but just not wanting to share. I decided to take an extra day off and make it a 4 day weekend in hopes of maybe finding some motivation or something but instead spent most of it sleeping.
I went to visit my friend, Ophelia at Jerry's today and was talking to her about how completely lazy I have been this weekend, taking several naps on Friday and a 5 hour nap on Saturday. Now, when it comes to sleep, I don't do it well - I never have. I suffered from night terrors as a child, would sleep walk and talk in my sleep. This was not an "on occasion" occurrence, but fairly often and have been known to act out in my sleep even as an adult (my ex can tell you some funny stories of my punching him in my sleep then giggling about it). So, to get back to my story, I tell my friend about my naps and a total stranger walks by and says that I'm probably depressed. Really?? You know that from overhearing one little statement? I really didn't bother with letting her know how I felt about her butting into my conversation, but it put a bug in my mind. Am I depressed? I mean, I am the master when it comes to being totally oblivious to how I really feel. I've spent so many years hiding my feelings to keep control of my sanity that I don't recognize when I am heavy hearted until I am in total despair. As annoying as it was to have someone walking by to comment on my state of mind, I wonder if someone was trying to drop a hint. I wonder if God was trying to tell me that I am falling and I need to get up. It seems so silly to be my age and not know myself, but I don't. So, i guess I will begin the self-analysis and hopefully get myself out of this creative funk and maybe not fall into a mental funk.
1 month ago