What happened? I am suddenly becoming old. OK, I know it didn't happen overnight, but I am REALLY noticing it now. I've never had a problem with getting older. Yeah, things were sagging more and I can't suck in my gut the way I used to, but I have yet to get a gray hair and I don't have any wrinkles, at least that's what I tell myself. This year is different, though. This year I will be 35 years old - in fact, at the end of this month. That is the age that all the medical journals tell you your body is on its way down. Pregnancy becomes difficult and if you manage to get pregnant, complications abound. I have no intention of having anymore kids, but this thought bothers me, as if I am not longer a woman capable of bearing a healthy child. And, yes, I know that this doesn't happen overnight and not everyone at this age has complications, but the medical community stuck an age on it and it so happens to be 35. I now look in the mirror and see an adult. I see how stress and the reality of life has changed my face from the sweet, naive look of my teen years, to this mature, bitter woman of the world. I wouldn't say that I'm angry about it, but I'm definitely not happy about it. So, instead of partying all night (or moping) on the 28th, I'll count my blessings. I will be thankful for my and my families good health, I'll be grateful that I have a job and am not struggling in this economy and I'll remember that I have friends that love me -wrinkles and all!!
I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me.
Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.