Sunday, January 31, 2010

Insanity at its Best

Two post in one day - Oh my goodness. I must be bored. Actually, I'm just feeling slightly...disappointed to put it kindly. Since I love searching for new blogs and am now a single mom, I've been reading other single mom blogs and am left feeling rotten. I must be the worst mom in the world. To read about everyone else's life, it's easy, life is good and their children are wonderful. Not for me. I hate having to raise my kids by myself, I hate not having time to do the things I want to do - there's a lot I hate about my new life. My kids aren't perfect obedient soldiers and I stink at fitting 20 hours of things I need to do within a 24 hour day. I miss my alone time, being able to go out in the evening by myself, having a clean house and getting to relax when I get home. I get mad when I get a call from the school or daycare that one of my kids is sick and I have tot ake off owrk to get them. It annoys me that I get off work at 5pm, the school and daycare are 10 miles away, no traffic and I still don't get home until 6pm. This is my life. I lose my temper, am lucky if I make it to my bed at the end of the night, and never manage to get all the laundry done.
I am a better mother now. I am learning to be patient. I am getting better at planning and prioritizing. I play with the kids more often and I don't let the little things bother me as much. So, maybe one day I'll be as good of a mom as other single moms. For now, I'm just me - an honest mom trying to raise two small kids without going insane in the process.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Time Heals All

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Wow, it's been awhile. I didn't realize it's been since Thanksgiving since I've bothered to update. I'm snow-bound today, therefore bored and looking for something to do. I know it's not much snow to most, but there is ice under that pretty white stuff.
Where do I begin? Well, I am alive and well. In fact, I am more than well, I am the happiest that I've been in quite awhile. Something just clicked for me during the holidays. Maybe it was conversations with friends and co-workers, maybe I just needed time, but I have come to love my new status as a single woman. No, there isn't a new man in my life - no time for that. I think it is just learning to be me again and loving the person I am becoming. I have had countless people tell me that I seem so much happier now so I guess it must be true. The house is officially now all mine and I had to buy a new car. Just the thought of doing this on my own gave me heart palpitations before, but it was a breeze thanks to my wonderful loan officer/financial advisor where I bank (thank goodness for credit unions). So, with this now being "my" house, I have been working on decluttering and making it mine and my taste. I plan on repainting, already got the paint, and just changing the house to be how I've always wanted. I have to say, I can't wait until my husbands stuff is gone so I can get this done.
I have moved beyond my anger toward my ex-husband. In fact, I'm so over my anger that it does not bother me to have to talk to him or see him anymore. I just feels like I'm talking to an acquaintance. It's amazing how much weight is lifted once you let things go. I do have to say that it saddens me a bit to have let go and to feel this happy. It just shouldn't be this easy, but it has been. I am loving reconnecting with friends that I didn't even know cared. It is so true - you never know who your real friends are until your time of need. Thank God for my friends. Unfortunately, I have been cured of the bite from the creativity bug. I just haven't been moved to create much of anything. I haven't even felt like writing (obviously). In fact, I can tell you that I have been writing this post since before Christmas and it is now almost February. I also have 4 post in Draft that I've never posted (guess I'll proofread them and do it some time today). It's the winter - just not my season. Plus I haven't been in a class and I think I've realized that I feed off of other people's creativity. I've joined my local gym and really want to focus on that, so it doesn't leave me much time for other things at night - I have to have some time for the kids.
So, that's it, mostly. Nothing exciting or special, just life moving on. Well, there is that second speeding ticket...
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