Finally found some motivation to write. I think it is the dreary weather combined with being sick - yuck! I've managed to avoid being sick since last Summer but I knew it would come soon enough. Anyway, I won't bore you with my whining and I'll just share my new love - watercolors. I am madly in love with using watercolors in my journals and on canvas on top of acrylic. I have a painting I started months ago and everytime I would add something else too it, it would just feel like it was wrong. I thought I would get inspired during my little get together with my friends and the only thing I thought to do was to fill the bottom of the painting with a deep red and left the top half a light blue - still hated it until I pulled out my watercolors and now it looks so completely different that you would never think it was the same painting unless I told you. So here is the before and after:





I used watercolor over the entire painting and I love it - so it's a keeper. I've also been using watercolors on my journal pages and I love the way it looks. What I really love is the fact that my pages don't stick together so much anymore. Here's my latest page:

Writer's Block

Tattoos

After much debate and design, I got a new tattoo this weekend. I have to say, this tattoo was EXTREMELY painful so it may be my last.


Here's my first tattoo, replicas of my babies feet:


I've been thinking about how I've been feeling lately and how I've been viewing my life and it just seemed really fitting - Love your Fate. My life hasn't been easy, in fact, I'd say it's been harder than most. I haven't been bitter about it though, I haven't let it destroy me. I've tried to learn from it and become a better person. I'd be lying if I said my life hasn't affected me on some level. I know that my past is the reason I was somewhat withdrawn and had walls up. I'm sure it harmed my marriage on some level as well, but I have tried to not let it overtake me. Therefore - love my fate, for were it not for my past pains and tramas I would not be who I am today. In fact, I'm pretty sure I know the person I would be and I have to say that I don't think I'd like her. I also have a wild streak buried inside me that I know would have lead me down a dangerous road.

Group Therapy

I have been sharing so much lately on my blog - getting personal and letting people see me. I have so many words going through my head right now and I find myself expressing them here, which I'd rather not do. I love my blog just the way it is - keeping my private life private, with just a few small glimpses every now and then. But, as I'm looking back at some of my more recent post, I see it is revealing more of me than I wanted. It's a little unnerving and scary but I'm trying really hard not to let that stop me. I've always had a hard time sharing what was really inside my mind, my heart, my soul. I used to be unable to even write the words down, thinking that someone would possibly see them and know me. Silly, huh? Who am I? I am not an evil person, a killer or a thief - so why do I hide? I claim to not hurt, to be able to handle anything but is that real or am I just ignoring my feelings? Seems a little ridiculous that at 36 years old, I am still wrestling with myself, but I am.
I have been feeling stifled and in need of some release - maybe a little art therapy. This weekend I finally had my little art party with a few close friends. I have to say, I had a wonderful time. I love getting to know Cheryl better - such a sweet soul, and Sandra has an aura about her that makes the room feel calm. My friend Marisa was able to come by too. Her curiosity about things makes you excited about stuff. And, of course, no gathering would be good without my dearest friend Dana (and her wonderful little boy) - my wise old woman. OK, she's only a year older but her soul seems so much more. I ended up talking and not doing much of any art, but I still had a wonderful time. As usual, I forgot to break out the camera, so no pics from the party to share. Guess I'll just have to live with the memories.