I Was Never Alone

I've been very contemplative lately. I feel like I have a clarity inside me right now that I didn't have before. For more than a year,I've been feeling very distant from my spiritual side. I've felt like prayers have gone unheard and like I've been walking this new path alone. I was feeling like I was missing something - that presence in the passenger seat beside me, that voice, or whatever you want to call it, that made me feel not alone was not there anymore and I was very bothered by it. I mean, the year my husband left me was a hard year for me as I saw the writing on the wall well before he left. Once he left, I was so depressed and worried about what I was going to do and how my life was going to be. That security I had was gone and I felt abandoned, not only by my husband but by God.
But suddenly, something clicked, I hear the "ding ding" of finally getting it. I've realized I have friends that truly care, that I am very capable of handling things on my own (no matter how much I prefer not too) and I feel like I'm becoming a better person. I know what the lesson was.
As I had said before, I was a very noncommittal person when it came to friends, in other words, they were disposable and replaceable.
This year has taught me that is not so.
I've had friends that I didn't know were friends be there for me,
call me,
email me
years after our last conversation.
Single motherhood terrified me.
I have more than "just managed" that.
I have learned to balance the complexities that are my life and have won (so far).
I don't think I would have done that depending on God, relying on Him and pinning my hopes and prayers on Him that He would make everything right. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that He wasn't there. He was showing me that He is there in the people that he has put into my life and in all the circumstances that come along and I struggle to understand. He helped me to stand on my own two feet by making me realize that He already gave me the strength to manage through this and now I feel His presence everywhere.  He made me see that He is always all around me in places that I'm not even looking. In my time of need, He helped me become a stronger me. It feels good...great, to know that He has made me into this strong person. I love that I turn to Him whether I'm happy or sad now, not only when I have no one else. Now, when things are going good, when I feel on top of the world, He is there to share in my joy, to tell me, "See Lisa, I knew you could do it all along."