Aurabella Southern Belle

New Journey

2011-07-29T10:26:00.002-03:00

I am on a remarkable journey
It has been lots of
ups and downs,
twist and turns,
U-turns and dead ends,
but it is my journey.
I have been marveling on where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm becoming.
Yes, almost 37 and still "becoming",
Becoming what I thought I already was:
A mom,
A daughter,
A friend.

This journey has changed me in a way that has prevented me from continuing with my blog. I have not wanted to get personal or share anything more than my art, but I cannot help what my soul is screaming out for me to do. It wants to write, it wants to share. I don't want to tarnish this blog with the trivial concerns of life, thoughts and feelings, so I guess I will share my journey on my other blog, Altered Spirit. That's how I'm feeling right now anyway - altered. Still not sharing that blog yet - not feeling quite brave enough to share it with the world. I'm sure months from now I will regret leaving this blog and sharing too much on the other, but for now I am fine and now is where I am living.

I may be back, maybe tomorrow, maybe never - but I'm sure I'll be around.

Insane? Really??

2011-05-29T20:23:00.002-03:00

What a long strange day it has been. I know I haven't been around much lately, but I just haven't been creating anything new. I've been writing, but just not wanting to share. I decided to take an extra day off and make it a 4 day weekend in hopes of maybe finding some motivation or something but instead spent most of it sleeping.
I went to visit my friend, Ophelia at Jerry's today and was talking to her about how completely lazy I have been this weekend, taking several naps on Friday and a 5 hour nap on Saturday. Now, when it comes to sleep, I don't do it well - I never have. I suffered from night terrors as a child, would sleep walk and talk in my sleep. This was not an "on occasion" occurrence, but fairly often and have been known to act out in my sleep even as an adult (my ex can tell you some funny stories of my punching him in my sleep then giggling about it). So, to get back to my story, I tell my friend about my naps and a total stranger walks by and says that I'm probably depressed. Really?? You know that from overhearing one little statement? I really didn't bother with letting her know how I felt about her butting into my conversation, but it put a bug in my mind. Am I depressed? I mean, I am the master when it comes to being totally oblivious to how I really feel. I've spent so many years hiding my feelings to keep control of my sanity that I don't recognize when I am heavy hearted until I am in total despair. As annoying as it was to have someone walking by to comment on my state of mind, I wonder if someone was trying to drop a hint. I wonder if God was trying to tell me that I am falling and I need to get up. It seems so silly to be my age and not know myself, but I don't. So, i guess I will begin the self-analysis and hopefully get myself out of this creative funk and maybe not fall into a mental funk.

Internet Porn

2011-05-12T13:56:00.002-03:00

I am so ashamed - I have become addicted.
Yes, very embarrassing to admit, but my time has been spent away from my art, away from writing or blogging and has all been spent on my version of internet porn: Pinterest.
Eye candy galore.
Ideas out the ying yang.
So sadly, no new "real" post to write or art to show. Just wanted to share my new addiction with you so that I can drag you into it too.
I have been reading quite a bit though and have renewed my love of poetry. Pablo Neruda is currently at the top of my list and definitely worth a read. I've also been reading Pablo Coelho's blog. I love the way he writes - it's almost like his words are singing. Maybe that's why I haven't bothered - reading something as beautiful as he writes then trying to write myself, makes my writing look like a first graders work. But, I'm getting back in the groove. Trying to keep my computer off until late evening and playing with the kids. Mother's day was nice and that was the day I decided to give a gift to my kids - to give them a real mother. Not that I'm a horrid mother, but I know I could be much better. I think I got stuck in the mentality that "I never thought I'd have kids because I wouldn't be a good mother", and because of that, I've never tried to be a good mother. Kinda like someone telling you that you'll never amount to anything so you never end up trying because you've always been told you'd fail. Unfortunately I was the one calling myself a failure at parenthood - but because of that, I can fix it. I can be a good mom. I have started small. I got a hammock and the kids and I lay in it almost everyday before we go into the house. Normally, I would make some excuse to have to go in and not lay around with them. We also have movie night were we all sit together with no CPU or cell phone and I've let them stay up a little later. So far so good - at least I know Isabel loves it.

So anyway, I hope you make your way to Pinterest and enjoy it as much as I have.

Grateful Easter

2011-04-24T23:56:00.004-03:00

I'll never be able to show what it meant to me.
(image borrowed from a dear friend)

2011-03-28T01:16:00.005-03:00

Finally found some motivation to write. I think it is the dreary weather combined with being sick - yuck! I've managed to avoid being sick since last Summer but I knew it would come soon enough. Anyway, I won't bore you with my whining and I'll just share my new love - watercolors. I am madly in love with using watercolors in my journals and on canvas on top of acrylic. I have a painting I started months ago and everytime I would add something else too it, it would just feel like it was wrong. I thought I would get inspired during my little get together with my friends and the only thing I thought to do was to fill the bottom of the painting with a deep red and left the top half a light blue - still hated it until I pulled out my watercolors and now it looks so completely different that you would never think it was the same painting unless I told you. So here is the before and after:

I used watercolor over the entire painting and I love it - so it's a keeper. I've also been using watercolors on my journal pages and I love the way it looks. What I really love is the fact that my pages don't stick together so much anymore. Here's my latest page:

Writer's Block

2011-03-24T22:47:00.005-03:00

Tattoos

2011-03-21T22:46:00.003-03:00

After much debate and design, I got a new tattoo this weekend. I have to say, this tattoo was EXTREMELY painful so it may be my last.

Here's my first tattoo, replicas of my babies feet:

I've been thinking about how I've been feeling lately and how I've been viewing my life and it just seemed really fitting - Love your Fate. My life hasn't been easy, in fact, I'd say it's been harder than most. I haven't been bitter about it though, I haven't let it destroy me. I've tried to learn from it and become a better person. I'd be lying if I said my life hasn't affected me on some level. I know that my past is the reason I was somewhat withdrawn and had walls up. I'm sure it harmed my marriage on some level as well, but I have tried to not let it overtake me. Therefore - love my fate, for were it not for my past pains and tramas I would not be who I am today. In fact, I'm pretty sure I know the person I would be and I have to say that I don't think I'd like her. I also have a wild streak buried inside me that I know would have lead me down a dangerous road.

Group Therapy

2011-03-08T12:13:00.005-04:00

I have been sharing so much lately on my blog - getting personal and letting people see me. I have so many words going through my head right now and I find myself expressing the here, which I'd rather not do. I love my blog just the way it is - keeping my private life private, with just a few small glimpses every now and then. But, as I'm looking back at some of my more recent post, I see it is revealing more of me than I wanted. It's a little unnerving and scary but I'm trying really hard not to let that stop me. I've always had a hard time sharing what was really inside my mind, my heart, my soul. I used to be unable to even write the words down, thinking that someone would possibly see them and know me. Silly, huh? Who am I? I am not an evil person, a killer or a thief - so why do I hide? I claim to not hurt, to be able to handle anything but is that real or am I just ignoring my feelings? Seems a little ridiculous that at 36 years old, I am still wrestling with myself, but I am.
I have been feeling stifled and in need of some release - maybe a little art therapy. This weekend I finally had my little art party with a few close friends. I have to say, I had a wonderful time. I love getting to know Cheryl better - such a sweet soul, and Sandra has a n aura about her that makes the room feel calm. My friend Marisa was able to come by too. Her curiosity about things makes you excited about stuff. And, of course, no gathering would be good without my dearest friend Dana (and her wonderful little boy) - my wise old woman. OK, she's only a year older but her soul seems so much more. I ended up talking and not doing much of any art, but I still had a wonderful time. As usual, I forgot to break out the camera, so not pics from the party to share. Guess I'll just have to live with the memories.
New journal page.

I Was Never Alone

2011-02-22T14:55:00.001-04:00

I've been very contemplative lately. I feel like I have a clarity inside me right now that I didn't have before. For more than a year,I've been feeling very distant from my spiritual side. I've felt like prayers have gone unheard and like I've been walking this new path alone. I was feeling like I was missing something - that presence in the passenger seat beside me, that voice, or whatever you want to call it, that made me feel not alone was not there anymore and I was very bothered by it. I mean, the year my husband left me was a hard year for me as I saw the writing on the wall well before he left. Once he left, I was so depressed and worried about what I was going to do and how my life was going to be. That security I had was gone and I felt abandoned, not only by my husband but by God.
But suddenly, something clicked, I hear the "ding ding" of finally getting it. I've realized I have friends that truly care, that I am very capable of handling things on my own (no matter how much I prefer not too) and I feel like I'm becoming a better person. I know what the lesson was.
As I had said before, I was a very noncommittal person when it came to friends, in other words, they were disposable and replaceable.
This year has taught me that is not so.
I've had friends that I didn't know were friends be there for me,
call me,
email me
years after our last conversation.
Single motherhood terrified me.
I have more than "just managed" that.
I have learned to balance the complexities that are my life and have won (so far).
I don't think I would have done that depending on God, relying on Him and pinning my hopes and prayers on Him that He would make everything right. I stood on my own two feet and now I feel His presence once again. In my time of need, or what I thought was, He let me become a stronger me. It feels good...great, to know that I do not look for Him only when I am hurting but to see Him now too. Now, when things are going good, when I feel on top of the world, He is there to share in my joy, to tell me, "See Lisa, I knew you could do it all along."

Modern Woman

2011-02-21T11:29:00.010-04:00

I felt the need to preface this post with this statement. Maybe I shouldn't because it really would just be contrary to the post below, but I don't want loved ones to worry. I had written the entry below in my journal several years ago and was reminded of it today as I spoke to someone. He was telling me how great it is that I have been able to manage my life as a single mother. As well, just last week I had someone tell me how it's so wonderful that I am happily single (as if I shouldn't be) despite having to handle everything by myself and that they really admire me. Statements like that seem wonderful to hear, don't they? That I'm such a great and powerful woman, a modern woman, that can do it all on my own - I need no one. But really, it's not. It is what had kept me from truly getting close to people, making great friends. It made me push away anyone that made me feel loved and wanted. It was my way of making myself the woman that everyone thought I was, keeping myself distant so that I can stay strong if someone was to try to hurt me. Deep down inside all I wanted to do was have someone else make everything better. I wanted to be the helpless woman that gets rescued at the end of the movie by her super hero. Too many times women try to be strong now and don't like to admit when they need help or show their feelings, so maybe this post would apply to most of us women anyway. I've learned to let all that go, thankfully. Hope everyone else can too. Enjoy.

Can I let you in on something?
I hate it when people tell me they admire me because I'm an independent woman.
I can't stand being told how wonderful it is that I have been able to hold myself together through everything I've endured in life.
I don't want to hear how you wish you were as strong as me, how you wish you were able to handle as much as me.
...I don't want to be strong
...I don't want to be alone
...I don't want to be the person to admire
I want to cry and have someone hold me and tell me it's going to be ok,
That things will get better,
That they will be my crutch, there to hold me up and help me out.
I want to be a child.
I don't want to cope,
I want to breakdown,
Fall apart,
Be an emotional wreck
But I can't.
I no longer know how to let go,
How to share my pain,
How to cry.
I've spent too much time being someone else,
The imaginary Wonder Woman
The one that doesn't need a man to rescue her,
That I don't know how to be the child inside.

The Dog Days are Over

2011-02-18T10:40:00.006-04:00

Have I told you how wonderful I feel? I have been feeling so blessed this year and felt the urge to share it. Be it the meds (Celexa Rocks!), the freakin beautiful Spring weather, or be it actual positivity around me, it does not matter. I am happy, happy, happy. You know what makes me the happiest? That it is not because I have a new man in my life or a new friend or a new job - it's because life is sweet. I can smell the roses, see the light at the end of the tunnel, feel the vibrations (ala Markie Mark). I am satisfied with my job, I have few friends but the ones I have are fantabulous, and men - well, I'm willing to wait for the right one.
I don't think things are perfect, but that's ok. I am fine with my life just the way it is. Though I will continue to strive for more, I am content with what I have and what I have been given. My biggest desire for myself has been to be able to change my perspective on things and I feel like I have truly succeeded in that. In the past I've noticed all the bad things and haven't ever noticed how many goods things I've had in life. Don't get me wrong, I've had lots of crap in my life - I mean lots and lots - but that crap has made me the person that I am. Had my life been easy, I'm sure I would've been a different person - an ugly person. So, I am celebrating today - the dog days are over.

Nubian Princess

2011-02-10T01:15:00.006-04:00

Have you ever met someone who left such a lasting impression on you in the little time you were with them, that 20 years later, you can still remember the way they made you feel? A week after my 18th birthday I met that person. I won't get into the background story, as it is VERY personal and something that I don't think I'd want to share here, but I wanted to tell you a little about her. I first saw her in a room where a few of us were herded. As she spoke to the group, she looked down at the floor and had a lot of anger in the things she said. I thought she was cold and mean when she was done. Maybe an hour or so later, I was sitting and crying and she came in. With only 3 sentences spoken to me, she made me feel better, so much so that I had a smile on my face. So much so, that almost 20 years later, though I cannot remember what she looked like, I can still feel inside me the spark that she put there with her words. She was a princess to me.

Fear

2011-02-08T00:43:00.002-04:00

I'm pretty sure I've posted before about fear holding me back from life. Fear prevented me from accomplishing a lot of things in my life. I never finished college because I thought I was making the wrong career choice and because I might fail at my job. I let someone I love deeply go because I was afraid I wouldn't get to experience life the way I wanted to at the time and because I was afraid I'd never be first in his life. I could continue, but I think you get the picture. I've tried to not let fear rule over my life but it's been a slow process. Journaling and blogging have helped quite a bit, though, so I feel like I may be breaking free any day now. I'm setting new goals, small ones to start, and maybe one day I'll no longer be afraid to finish school or take that second chance at a great relationship. You never know.

Bargains Galore

2011-02-06T23:00:00.001-04:00

I LOVE BARGAINS. Can I say that again?? I love bargains!! Before going to see my friend PhePhe (otherwise known as Ophelia), I made a stop at my local Asian market and got some goodies for super cheap - some aprons, asian papers and envelopes, and newpapers and pamphlets.

Once I left there, went to Ophelia's demo and went thrifting afterwards and got some awesome small books for $.10-.50 ea and 10 National Geographic mags for $1 (not pictured). I think I spent about $4.

Then picked up a BOX of free goodies from my besty Dana (yes, that girl). I forgot to take a picture of that before I put them all away but it was a box full of pretty papers, ephemera and paints. I'm feeling like a lucky girl today!

Making Friends

2011-02-06T13:24:00.004-04:00

I met a girl once,

her name was Dana.

We worked together and became "work friends".

I left

Got another job

And forgot about Dana.

Then one day

I got a call

From the girl named Dana

wanting to play...

Now she is my Friend.

She is who taught me what friendship is because she never let me go. When she says you are her friend, you are her friend for life.
Moral of the story: If you meet a person that wants to be your friend for life, make sure they are not psychotic, so you'll end up with a great friend for life - like I did.

Done Fitting In

2011-02-01T23:25:00.002-04:00

Funny how your attitude about things change as you get older. I am Hispanic, Puerto Rican to be exact. I've lived in the USA pretty much my entire life. When we came here, we moved to Texas where we were surrounded by Hispanic people from different backgrounds, i.e. not everyone was Mexican. But, once we moved to North Carolina, it was different. The only Hispanics that you saw here were the migrant workers that would come in the summer then leave. We stuck out like a sore thumb and everyone seemed ready to point it out to us. I became ashamed of my heritage. I lived out in the country, in the middle of nothing, where you are either black or white and if you're not "pure" white, then you must be black (as if that is a bad thing). I suddenly didn't know what I was. Where I lived in Texas, color wasn't an issue or really discussed - you were just a person. Where I grew up in NC, one of the first questions someone would ask is, "What are you?", as if your skin not being pale and hair blond made you some how less than human. Now I know better. I know that I am beautiful, with my dark curly hair, brown eyes and lightly tan skin with lovely curves that only Hispanic women can pull off so well. I am glad that I do not look like a typical Southern girl (not that there is anything wrong with that look). Who would want to look the same?? I want to stand out in a crowd and be noticed.

Being Mom

2011-01-26T02:34:00.005-04:00

I've been working on spending less time on the computer and more time with my kids. I've managed to set the phone down, not even allowing myself to check an email or play a game, and I haven't been turning on the computer until after the kids are in bed. It has been really nice concentrating on just being mom - no cleaning or fussing about messes, just sitting with my kids, watching a movie or playing. It actually inspired me for my newest journal page. Sometime we parents forget that we are respondsible for how our kids turn out and we get busy with other things. Then when we end up with crazy kids, we wonder what went wrong. Yeah, some of it is just their natural personality, but a lot of it is how we raise them. That thought inspired my "tree" writing in my journal and art. I'm not much for sharing what I write (sorry, just find it a bit uncomfortable still), but I wanted to share the page as I thought it was nice. I took a paper and taped it to the outer edge of the page I was getting ready to paint on so that it was a bigger page. I glued, gessoed, painted, and wrote across the page. I like that I can fold it closed. It feels like a little surprise to open the page and see what is in it.

Doing the Right Thing

2011-01-17T23:31:00.002-04:00

I feel like I'm finally getting back on track - the creativity is beginning to flow again, my home and life is becoming more organized and just in general, things are going right. This year has already started with me learning a few lessons:
1. Never make assumptions about who you think a person is or how they are going to react to something.
2. If your boss tells you, over the course of two year, over and over again that if you need help or feel overwhelmed to let her know and she will hire someone else to help - she's being sincere and you should take her at her word. You are not a lousy employee for asking for help
3. People have a kind heart, even the tough ones.
4. You have more friends than you think you do and you're a better mom than you think you are.
5. It's good to be open and not hold things inside, but as I say in my journal, some things are better left unsaid.

I've been wrestling with my heart and mind on #5. I won't even try to skirt around what I mean or speak in innuendos or secret codes - I just won't even get into it. Instead of burning it (as I did for new years), I wrote down everything I wanted to say and was totally and completely honest with what I wrote. Then I sealed it up and put it in my journal for what I'm sure will be a good laugh 20-30 years from now.

I Love Me

2011-01-17T23:04:00.004-04:00

Having spent several years trying to "fit in" to the mold that others thought I should fit into, I have decided no longer. No longer will I temper my honesty or opinion just because it may offend someone (when it is not an offensive statement). No longer will I subdue my personality to fit into someone else's view of how a lady should act. I will be me, unapologetic and honestly me.

Birthday Blues

2011-01-16T23:08:00.001-04:00

It seems like this year is going to be a tough one for me all the way around when it comes to birthdays, starting with my baby. My beautiful baby boy has turned 3. I know he is still young, but he just seems so different to me now. I look at him and he acts more grown up, he is so respectful (shockingly), even when he talks he talks like a big kids. I feel so sad, like my little boy is leaving me already. Luckily he still loves to give lots of hugs and kisses and have mommy hold him.

Happy Birthday, my crazy, beautiful baby boy.

Following the road...wherever it leads

2011-01-04T02:00:00.003-04:00

I've kept my goals simple this year - take at least one day to be creative and go on this new journey with enthusiasm and a positive outlook.

So far, so good:

Burning the old year away

2011-01-01T17:38:00.002-04:00

I am starting the new year off right this time. I have written down my worries and problems from 2010 and burned them away. I will be positive, surround myself with great and supportive people. I will not worry about money, my job, my family. I will take every day one day at a time and I will have faith that things will turn out as they should.

Is there a lesson to be learned here?

2010-12-29T01:10:00.003-04:00

God,

I have one simple question - what are you trying to teach me? I mean, there's just no way that this past week, these last few months, this past year can not have some greater purpose. Every time I settle into things just a little bit, every time I am determined to take control of my temper, attitude and life - a wicked little wrench gets thrown into that gear. I don't take hints very well, I can never read between the lines. So, if you would just drop a big neon sign in front of me with instructions, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

Devotedly Yours,

Lisa

Christmas in Carolina

2010-12-27T21:51:00.004-04:00

Despite being sick and oh so brilliantly setting my I-phone in a glass of water, Christmas was pretty nice. The kids went out of town from Wednesday through Saturday, so it gave me some free time to just do whatever. When they came home Saturday, they had a blast opening their presents. It was nice and stressfree - and the kids got to just enjoy making a mess and playing with their new toys. A nice little bonus for us here - we had snow for Christmas, almost anyway. We woke up Sunday morning to around 6-8" of snow here. Even though I'm not a snow person (I just can't get past the cold), the snow was a beautiful sight. After awhile though, I was ready for it to be gone. I just don't like the cold at all. I mean, come on, I was born in the tropics and grew up in Texas and North Carolina - do I really seem like one for the cold? I do have to give big kudos to our DOT since our roads were pretty clear the next day. I was able to venture out and get some after Christmas shopping done. Oh well, I guess there was one good thing about snow here - extra day off work!

Some pics - Enjoy!

TMI

2010-12-13T17:04:00.007-04:00

I don't like to get personal on my blog, I don't really know why. Maybe it's because I don't want someone feeling sorry for me or thinking I'm complaining. Maybe it's because I can't stand whining and listening to others complain (hence why I have blocked updates from some of my Facebook friends). I feel a lot of guilt when I complain, after all what do I have to complain about? My home (there are people who don't even have a home), my job can be stressful (well, at least I have a job that pays well), I feel very lonely (yet I am surrounded by friends and family), I never have enough money (but I don't balance my check book and still pay all my bills on time). But, there are days when all I want to do is get on here and wallow in my misery, share my crappy day, cuss & fuss and be immature. There are some days that I wish I could just vent on here - about work, the kids, family, just life in general - but I don't and I won't. So, I guess as usual, I will type my post of ranting and raving and crying over my silly little problems - I will let everyone know how much my life stinks and I will never hit publish.

Lisa Gets Her Groove Back

2010-12-06T21:27:00.008-04:00

Wow, it's been alost two months. What can I say - I've been busy. Ok, not that busy but busy enough. I found some time to volunteer at the Art of Carolinas with the Carolina Mixed Media Artist Guild (which I finally joined, in case I didn't already tell you). I was a very good girl and didn't spend tons of money. I've been packing up lots of clothing and household things to donate - which is making me very happy, no more clutter. I also had a fantastic Thanksgiving, the first great Thanksgiving that I've had in years. All the food turned out perfect and everyone actually stayed for more than just an hour or two. Also, my house is slowly but sure coming back together, enough that I don't mind if someone stops without calling first since the house is actually fairly organized. I've managed to finally reclaim my diningroom. I've been Miss Handyman too, changing the light fixture in the kitchen and the chandelier in the diningroom - all by myself. Shoot - who needs a man?? Not me...though sometimes I think it would be nice...
Since the diningroom no longer looks like it used to, I am not embarrassed to post a pic of the before, when the kids used it as a playroom. This is when the room was actually somewhat clean, if you can believe that:

And now the after:

My art stuff is back in the cabinet, all arranged in an "orderly fashion":

I'm thinking that I may have to find a different cabinet - this one is just not working for me. As you can see on the table, I have my journals laid out getting gessoed. I took a class with my buddy Ophelia this weekend and got motivated to begin creating an art journal. Here are some pages I did in the class:

I guess I'm finally getting back into the groove of life. Hopefully it will continue.

Laying Low

2010-10-10T23:40:00.000-03:00

What can I say, I just haven't been in the mood to create. Well, I shouldn't say that I haven't wanted to create, I have, I just have a lot of other things going on that have prevented me from being motivated for much of anything. One good thing, I am finally going to have the house to myself and will no longer have to find somewhere to stay on the weekends. It really hasn't been that bad, but since my ex didn't have a place that he was living in on his own, we both felt it was better for him to just stay at the house with the kids until his housing situation changed. So, he is getting a place on his own and should be moved in by the end of the month. I have been doing a bit of redecorating, though I still haven't finished painting my living room. I have also decided to take over the dining room/playroom. The kids are now sharing a room so I have an empty room upstairs now. I don't have out of town guest so I don't really need a guest room and I didn't want to have to go upstairs when I was in the mood to make stuff, so the toys are going up stairs and my art stuff is going in the dining room. It'll be nice too because that way if I want to have friends over for an "art party", I'll have a good place to hang out and do it in. So, that is my plan for the next couple of weekends. Hopefully with having a comfortable place to create, I'll be a little more motivated to make stuff. Though I have done a few things.

I've been doing a little writing:

A little painting (hm, still don't know about this one):

A little going to museums and stuff:

And some playing with the babes:

And friends, old and new:

I guess I have been doing more than I thought.

36 and counting

2010-08-28T21:52:00.001-03:00

Last year for my birthday, I made a list, 35 for 35, that had some goals I wanted to set for myself for the year. My original intend was to follow up on them with you this year. After reading the list, I realized that would just make me feel like crap. 90% was a bust. With all the insanity that was this past year, I accomplished nothing. But that's ok - this is a new year and new beginning. So, here is my list for 36 things about me, good and bad (mostly bad), that you may not know:

1. I was born in Puerto Rico, lived in Texas until I was 9 years old and have pretty much lived in North Carolina since then, but I still consider myself a Texan at heart.
2. I'm very competitive. I got good grades in school only because I was being competitive with another girl. Once I transferred schools and didn't have anyone to compete with, my grades dropped.
3. I'm bad at remembering dates, but can remember phone numbers from years ago, everyones bank account number and I have tons of social security numbers stored in my head. Good thing I'm not a criminal.
4. I'm a music snob, although my mother and friends would say I'm just an all around snob, though I really try not to be. I'd say it's an eclectic mix, though still limited - Nine Inch Nails, Tool, PJ Harvey, Bjork, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Melody Gardot and the occasional 80's new wave/goth and industrial...
5. I will start a conversation with anyone anywhere. I have a friend that says I'd talk to walls if they would talk back.
6. I love color and every room in my house is painted a different color, except mine. The livingroom is a Tuscan Gold, the foyer is teal, the kitchen is lime green, diningroom is eggplant purple, laundry room is grey, guest bath is sky blue, kids bathroom is yellow, daughter's room is orange, son's room is green with a touch of blue.
7. I love to drive and will purposely take the long way just to drive longer.
8. I'm a human map. I cannot get lost, though I've tried. Must be all that aimless driving that I do.
9. I really, really hated turning 35 but think 36 will be a great year. Although I'm starting to feel like I look my age now - not good!
10. I love peanut butter banana sandwiches on toast. When I was pregnant, I craved it with the addition of fried bologna. Surprisingly good.
11. I love art but do not have patience to create anything but abstract work. Detail just takes too long.
12. I suck as a daughter, mother and friend. I don't even think I want to bother explaining that one other than to say I'm trying to be better.
13. I am totally and completely unmotivated right now. It is actually 7/19 but I knew it would take me time to finish this silly list so I started early.
14. Now that I'm single, I have reverted into a raging flirt. I am oblivious to when I'm doing it and can't seem to stop.
15. I am extremely curious and LOVE learning about new things. Whenever I learn about something new that interest me, I read up and research as much as I can on it. Maybe that's why, when I was in school, I would go to the library during my study hall period and sit in the non-fiction section and read encyclopedias - for real.
16. I think I'm a slob. I have no housekeeping skills. Granted, my home would never appear on Hoarders, but it would never appear in House Beautiful either. It's not that bad, but I would probably be a little embarrassed if someone stopped over without calling first. I'll just continue to blame my kids until they move out.
17. I am a thinker not a doer. After all my digestion of information and skills learned through books and HGTV, I can tell you how to do something, I just can't show you by example. So, I guess that would make me a great boss.
18. I have an intense phobia of ships. Even just looking at one on TV or in print can get my heart beat racing. I found out about this phobia the day I went to pick up my brother in Norfolk, Va. He was in the navy and when I drove up to the docks or whatever, I was too terrified to even look up (and I was the one driving). He did drag me on the ship, though I got on with my eyes closed. Once I was on and since I couldn't see outside anyway (I was inside the aircraft carrier), I was fine.
19. If I'm walking around downtown, I've been known to begin hyperventilating if I actually look up at the buildings because I'm claustrophobic. Looking out at the ocean when no one is in the water will do that to me too.
20. Though I am extremely social and will become friends with anyone, I LOVE being alone.
21. I secretly wish I was a rock star but alas, I wasn't blessed with good vocal chords.
22. Balloons scare me too.
23. I've just suddenly realized that I'm scared of a lot of things.
24. Shoot, it's my birthday today and I am only at #24. See I told you it would take some time (see #13).
25. And since it is my birthday, my gift to myself is to not finish this list!

I cheated, I know, but this was harder than I thought. I do want to say though that I really love my friends. I've had such a nice time - no partying and drinking, just enjoying time with a few good friends. Another year and the only thing I wish for myself is that I continue to grow into a better mother and better artist - nothing else.

Pollack and Mondrian have a paint party...

2010-08-26T01:24:00.004-03:00

I haven't really had much time for anything but I got inspired after a fun night of ATC's at Jerry's Artarama. I had some string gel sitting around for awhile and just haven't found anything I wanted to do with it so I decided to pull it out tonight. Once I started playing with it, I decided to sling it to make a bit of a random mess. I let the black string gel dry and then filled in some of the spaces with colors. I hope you like.

2010-08-05T23:28:00.003-03:00

I still don't think it is complete, but I wanted to share anyway. As you can see in the background, I finally changed the color of my livingroom. It's really hard to take a good picture when your walls are yellow, which was the original color. It looks a little pink in the picture, but it's closer to a khaki color. Here's a better picture:

I'm really loving decorating my home however I want without having to consult anyone else. It's all mine.

New Art Form??

2010-08-05T23:21:00.004-03:00

Talk about making a statement - I love it. This is the best picture I could take while driving by. The guy spray painted "Screwed by the town of Cary" across the front of his home. Poor guy has had almost all of his front property taken by the town of Cary. Now every time it rains, because of the new grade of the land, it floods in his home and garage. Of course, I don't know the entire story, but the town is now going to be fining him for violating the town sign ordinance. I just couldn't resist driving by and taking a picture to share.

Joy in Solitude

2010-08-02T17:07:00.010-03:00

What brings me joy?
I find my greatest sense of joy in those peaceful moments spent by myself - away from everyone I know. Sounds selfish, huh? Well, I'm a single mother of two small kids. I work full time and most nights don't get home until 6pm. By the time I get home, I have to fix dinner for the kids, get them fed by 6:30-7pm (hopefully), get them bathed and my 2.5 year old in bed by 7:30 and my 6 year old in bed by 8pm. In between all of this, I get a phone call from my mother. I tell her that I'm busy and have to call her later (I never call back). A call from my best friend comes in and it is the same conversation, "no time to talk, I'll call you later" and once again, I do not call. Once the kids are in bed, it's time to clean up - put the dishes away from dinner, clean off the counter top and stove top, sweep the floors in the kitchen and maybe mop. That's just the kitchen, then I have to move into the bathroom because I'm sure that my 6 year old little fashionista has gotten into the makeup and made a mess all over the counter. I am also sure that my 2.5 year old, who is in the process of potty training, has made a mess around the toilet since he insist on standing up to potty, so I have to clean the toilet and the floors in there as well. Once that is done, I move into the living room to clean up toys, shoes, clothing and food that is all over the place. I pick up the couch pillows and put them back in their place and bring out the vacuum. Unfortunately for me, I got suckered into buying one of those expensive vacuums the salesmen say are good for people with allergies, asthma...so it's a long process of filling the container with water, putting the machine together, vacuuming, then emptying and washing the container, putting it back together again and putting it away. I do laundry at least 4 times a week (I have a potty training child!) and try to get dusting done on a regular basis, though you probably wouldn't know it from looking at my home. I'm exhausted and grumpy from a stressful day at work and all I want is the opportunity to be a good mother to my kids. After everything is done, I sit and relax. I reflect on my stressful day and how I once again didn't do much with my kids. I start to get mad at myself for spending time cleaning my house for my non-existent company and suddenly feel like crying. At that moment, I open my eyes and see the picture of my kids on the fireplace mantle and I smile. I begin to reflect on the past. The day my daughter was born, a month early, I was pumping gas and my water broke - and I mean BROKE. I think about her little dance routines and how funny it is to watch her sing and dance to Lady Gaga with such a serious look on her face. I think of my sweet son - always wanting hugs and kisses, still loving to be held like a baby. I laugh at the way he says umbrella and Spongebob. I think of my mother who drives me crazy with her immaturity - only because I wish I could be more like her, carefree and fun.
It is in these moments of stillness and silence that I find my joy because it is at that time that I can stop and reflect on all the joyful things I have around me. It is only at this moment of solitude that I can appreciate those joyful moments because it is only at this moment that I have no distractions.
So, is it wrong to say my greatest moments of joy are when I am by myself - away from everyone I love? No - because this is when I remember why I love them so much.

“This post is part of SOYJOY‘s What brings you joy contest. Learn more here.”

Desideratum

2010-07-13T12:42:00.001-03:00

I've been feeling a little up and down about life just not knowing what direction to go. I kinda feel like reinventing myself, becoming the person I've wanted to be but never knew how. I would love to move away and just start all over where no one knows me, unfortunately can't do that with having kids with a person who wants to spend time with his kids. I guess that's really a good thing though. I was going through my bookshelf and found this book. I hadn't read it in a long time and felt inspired by what it said, so I thought I'd share.

Desideratum
Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.~ written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann

Art-a-Thon

2010-06-26T23:39:00.001-03:00

I had a full, busy day today - totally exhausted. Before I go to bed though, I wanted to share some pics that I took at Jerry's Art-A-Thon today. Money raised today went to the National Wildlife Federation to help animals affected by the Gulf oil spill. Also wanted to share a work in progress.

Still haven't finished, but I like where it's going. Looks much better in person without the glare.

No Art-A-Thon is complete without my favorite blogger, Ophelia, creating a little piece for auction. It was nice to walk around and be able to watch artist working and to be able to ask them questions about what they were using and how they were creating some of the things they were painting.

Girl with Drill

2010-06-25T23:04:00.007-03:00

Did I ever tell you how much I love home improvement stores? I could spends hours, no days, just going down every aisle looking at every little thing on the shelves wondering what I could create with some of that stuff. Yeah, I like to craft, but arts and craft stores just don't inspire me, and as much as I love Jerry's I usually just leave there wishing that I was a good artist and feeling inadequate. So, I managed to spend 2 and a half hours at the home improvement store tonight and left only because it gets a little scary in there once they begin turning the lights off. I decided that today was the day that I was going to organize my little corner of the world. I had gotten a nice looking entertainment cabinet off craigslist for $10, intending on using it for storing my art stuff. I put it together (I don't recommend doing that by yourself) and it was pretty wobbly and pathetic. I threw all my stuff in it and left it for months, 6 to be exact. Since I had the house to myself tonight, I went to the home improvement store and picked up some wood to add a shelf in the cabinet so that I could organize things a little better and some nails to tack in the backing so that it would be more stable. I also stuck some cork board on the doors for adding little nuggets of inspiration. I am so excited about how it turned out - so nice and straight. See for yourself...

2010-06-21T00:02:00.002-03:00

Too much time on my hands.

You Are the Third Eye Chakra

You are insightful and spiritual. You trust your intuition.

You are deeply philosophical. You spend a lot of time thinking and theorizing.

You are wise beyond your years. People turn to you for direction and hope.

You are a clear thinker. You often know what you want to do and how you're going to do it.

What Chakra Are You?

The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

Garden Delights

2010-06-20T13:33:00.004-03:00

I don't have any art to share, but I figured I'd share my garden.

This is my poor hydrangea bush. I didn't manage to cut it down before it started budding in February, so it has gotten a little overwhelmed with flowers. It has overtaken my steps on my deck and it is just HUGE. I went outside to look at it today and it is so top heavy that it is drooped and all the stems with flowers are bent to the ground. It looks like someone sat in the middle of it and flattened it out.

I did not bother keeping up with the garden this year. In fact, I contemplated pulling it all out. But, I couldn't find another place to relocate the flowers that I had and just didn't have the heart, or time, to pull everything out. Needless to say, it has become overwhelmed with weeds. You can't tell from the pictures since most of the flowers are really tall, but the lower half is just a thick carpet of some weed (don't know what). My neighbors have a meticulous garden and have lawn service done, so I'm sure they are not too happy with the garden, but what can you do. At least it looks pretty with the flowers all filling it in. Good thing I don't have a close up picture of the ground cover, i.e. weeds.

2010-06-11T00:19:00.006-03:00

I've been miserably sick the last few day - so sick that I've broke out into tears a couple of times. I managed to get a severe case of strep throat coupled with mono, which by the way, I thought I was safe from after high school. It was such a severe case that my doctor actually recommended I go to the hospital and get on an antibiotic IV drip because my white blood cell count was so high. That, I told him, was out of the question (have you seen my lousy insurance coverage??). Thank God he was understanding and instead gave me a steroid shot and a couple of antibiotic shots. My butt's a little more sore for it (the shots) but I'm finally feeling better.
I actually started this post on Friday but in my drugged haze forgot to post it, so even though it is dated Friday, it's actually Tuesday (shhh, don't tell). I actually thought that while my mom had the kids and I was feeling better, I would actually do something, but alas - I didn't have as much energy as I thought. Unfortunately I may be able to stay awake for more than 5 minutes but I couldn't stand or do anything else for more than 5 minutes. So, I'll post a few little sketches I've done (practicing) and a painting that looks much better in person than on the lousy picture. Enjoy.

I've had a fascination with yellow lately, mostly in more of a golden/orange tone. Reading up on it, yellow is the color of optimism and happiness and brings out creative thought. The more golden the hue, the "promise of better times". I do have to say that I have felt great about my life lately, so I guess the colors I'm painting with are a reflection of that.

This is my little nude sketch I did at work on a scrap piece of paper (sometimes I'm on hold forever at work). I've been trying to practice doing a little more realism as opposed to the abstract I normally do. I like creating abstract pieces because I feel more like I am painting my emotions, but I kinda don't want everything to be so emotional. I don't want to feel like I'm going into that dark place to create.

Looking...(UPDATED)

2010-06-07T15:37:00.004-03:00

I have been in dire need of some inspiration lately but I just can't seem to find it anywhere. I finally went to the NC Museum of Art this weekend. It's been closed for renovations and expansions for some time now and just reopened last month (I think). Boy was I impressed. Right as you walk into the new building you are greeted by 3 huge glass scuptures of a sitting person, hanging sideways on a suspended wall. As big as it was, I still wasn't able to read all the writing on him, but what I was able to read sounded interesting.

If you head to the left, you go into the more traditional classical paintings, although I did find the lovely below there. Take a close look if you can as to what it is made from, you'll be surprised.

Did you figure it out yet?? It is made from a curtain of individual spools of thread! These were not spools that were half dyed to make it work, they were solid spools of color.
Anyway, if you head straight at the lobby, you enter the more modern contemporary paintings. They had quite a few that I fell in love with, unfortunately I left my cameras memory card at home and was only able to take a few pics with the memory the camera would hold. I really liked this one below.

Yes, I was a very bad girl and forgot to write down the names of the artist that created these beautiful pieces. Guess that means I'll have to go back another day - darn!
On top of taking a lovely stroll through the museum, I managed to find bargains galore when it came to art and craft supplies. I would say I feel guilty for spending the money, since I swore I'd be a very good girl and not spend money this weekend, but how could I possibly pass up jars of gel medium (regular retail price of $26 - $28) for $2.97 and Liquitex heavy body acrylic paint (reg. price $19) for $.97. Also went to Ornamentea, which I haven't gone to in awhile, and got super excited about doing stuff. They used to be bead focused and have really expanded what they carry.
So, hopefully I'll be back to creating soon enough.

**Update - well, partial update anyway. The first picture is a sculpture by Jaume Plensa called Doors of Jerusalem. There were three of them so they are I, II, III. They are poly resin and lit internally. The words on it are from the bible - Songs of Solomon and Songs of Songs. They are 47 1/4 x 62 1/2 x 80 3/4 (inches). This also happens to be the same artist that tried to donate a $2.5 mil art installation downtown that turned into such a big stink that he withdrew his offer. Guess he still loves us at least a bit. The second pic is by Devorah Sperber titled After the Mona Lisa 2. It is 85"x87" and made up of 5184 spools of thread. This is definitely one that you have to see to get the full effect. I still haven't figured out the last one but think I may be taking another trip this weekend.

Everyone Should Fly

2010-05-26T01:34:00.000-03:00

Sunday Night Boredom and Hair Dye

2010-05-25T23:51:00.004-03:00

Let me just start off by saying that Sunday night boredom and hair dye don't mix. In the last 3 months I have gone from dying my hair black, to getting blond "halo" highlights, and finally an assortment of red hues. What can I say, I get easily bored.
I don't know what got in to me a few months ago, but I decided to dye my hair black. Now, in my late teens and early twenties I use to dye it black all the time. It looked good and I could pull it off being younger and having good skin. I think people recently telling me that I look like I'm in my mid-20's got to my ego - to think that I could get away with dying my hair black at 35, what was I thinking? I hated it, it made me look older and I swear it highlighted every zit and wrinkle on my face. So, black hair dye has been banned. Of course, even though it was only a semi-permanent color, it still took several washes with Prell shampoo mixed with Dawn dishwashing detergent to get most of it out. Off to the salon for something different. Both my kids are blond and for whatever strange reason, it bothers me that I look nothing like them. So, I went and got some blond highlights put throughout my hair just to make me feel a little better. It didn't last long. I just don't care for blond hair - it's boring. Sorry if anyone out there is blond, I just don't care for it for me. I've dated several blonds, in fact I'd say 90% of the guys I've dated were blond, so on some level I must like it. I think that lasted about a month then I got bored this past Sunday. I forget how horrible the Carolina humidity is on my hair this time of the year, and natural curls don't really help, so I freaked out after I colored my hair. I thought for sure it was fried. It took me awhile to get accustomed to the Ronald McDonald red mixed with DJ Lance (from Yo Gabba Gabba) orange that took to my formerly blond highlights, but luckily red dye doesn't keep it's color all that well and it has faded out a bit. I think I'm in love with it - for

now.

Aurabella's Art Spot

2010-05-11T01:55:00.003-03:00

My corner is coming back. I decided to move some things out of the living room so that I can set up my art space in hopes of feeling like creating again. My ex still has his stuff at my home and I had it all stored in my art area until today. I decided to move his desk, which is taken apart but still bulky, into my foyer area, where my sewing table was sitting waiting for his stuff to leave. I know, it's not the best thing for my guest to walk into my house and see right up front. Personally, I don't care. I kinda decided that I don't entertain anyway and my friends know and love me, they know my situation, so I'm pretty sure they aren't looking down at me for having my home in disarray. Besides, there are worse piles of clutter in my home than in my foyer. So here is part of it already in use.

I have to brag about my awesome bag (to the right of the pic) that I got at a yard sale for a dollar. Perfect for taking my acrylic inks and whatnot whenever I go to art functions or hang with friends. I love having my space back and it was really nice too because I had room for my daughter, who loves doing "art projects" with mommy.

The Knot Prayer

2010-04-27T16:19:00.007-03:00

I was at a friends house this weekend and saw this prayer posted on her fridge. I'm not one for posting these kinds of things but it really got me thinking about how much I've let little thoughts hold me back from being who I want to be and doing what I want to do. So, I thought that I'd share since I know I'm not the only one that needs a little nudge.

The Knot Prayer

Dear God
Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots, the can nots and the do nots that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots, may nots, might nots that may find a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots, would nots, and should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all, Dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart, and my life
all of the "am nots" that I have allowed to hold me back.
Amen

Looking for...inspiration

2010-04-23T02:27:00.003-03:00

I was so hoping that the nicer weather would inspire me to create some new stuff again, but I just haven't been motivated. I feel like a need a week off of work to just get my home organized and cleaned and maybe then I'll feel comfortable here again and feel like creating.

My ex-hub did bring me a wonderful gift - his trash from work. I'm not complaining. He brought me a nice pile of scraps of Mylar that would've gone in the trash anyway. I always think it would be nice to make those really cool contemporary hanging lamps with the scraps or something, but normally it just gets piled away. One day though, I think I will do a reverse painted lamp covering or something with it but for now it gets used for collaging or journalling. I did start on a journal page with some of the Mylar, but didn't feel like finishing, so no pic today, but I got a pic of 2 new paintings.

I think I'm rather fond of this painting even though it's very dark.

And this one is dedicated to my favorite coffee shop. One of the owners has an obsession with cupcakes. Just don't know what that's all about. This was taken before it was done. I'll have to take a pic of the completed one and post later.

Lucky Girl

2010-04-13T23:15:00.003-03:00

Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-04-13T01:13:00.010-03:00

For Today...

Outside my window...
a clear cool night. I can see the stars.

I am thinking...
of reorganizing and decluttering my home

I am thankful for...
kids that don't argue when it's time for bed and getting some "me" time.

I am creating...
new page for my art journal, maybe I'll share

I am hearing...
too many thoughts running through my mind and I just can't shut down for bed

I am remembering...
when things were easier, being young and free

I am going...
to bed soon and hopefully actually sleep

I am currently reading...
no time for reading, would rather play

I am hoping...
for a less hectic day tomorrow at work.

On my mind...
everything and nothing that's important

Noticing that...
all my paintings lately have been so dark, yet I feel so happy.

Pondering...
the person I'm becoming. In just 6 months, I've changed so much, at an age that I thought I knew me. I like who I am becoming, though.

Around the house...
a big mess.

One of my favorite things...
painting

My picture thought...
my latest painting, thought I'd share.

Skins

2010-04-11T23:07:00.003-03:00

Had to share this new technique I found for transferring images with gel medium. I was at the bookstore Saturday and found the book Image Transfer Workshop by Darlene Olivia McElroy. In it, she shows you how to create an image skin from a Yupo painting. So, off to Jerry's for some Yupo and misc. items. I actually had an image at home that I had planned on cutting up and using in a journal, so I decided to just use that. In my lack of thinking and my excitement about trying something new, I didn't realize that the image was on Mylar and not Yupo - but it worked anyway. Before we get started, let me just explain - I suck at following instructions. I just don't listen and I hate reading them. I don't know if I just think that I'm too smart for it or it is just me getting overexcited and just wanting things to hurry up and get done, but my enthusiasm usually wins out and poor results ensue. So just remember do as I say and not as I do.

Here's what you need:

Yupo, Mylar (or I'm guessing any sort of synthetic paper will work that will hold a waterbased image well)

Soft gel medium

Spray workable fixative

watercolor or acrylics (including inks)

Create your image on the paper you are using and let dry. Once it's dry, spray on a layer of workable fixative and make sure it thoroughly covers the image. Allow the fixative to dry completely before laying a thick layer of gel medium. Don't be stingy because once the gel medium is dry, you will need to peel it off the paper. If you aren't generous with it, when you peel it, it will stretch or break easily. Also, you want to make sure the gel is completely dry - you'll know it's there when it is clear. A small word of caution, it tends to stick to itself so be careful while pulling it off.

Here's the results of my impatient skin.

I haven't decided how I will layer this into my journal, but I think I will probably create more skins from the painting that I have and actually follow my instructions for once.

Creating Journal Backgrounds

2010-04-05T12:10:00.004-03:00

I am moving this post over from my other blog, Altered Spirit. I've put that blog on hold anyway and have all my art stuff here, so why not share here. I'm actually contemplating making that blog more of a personal journal, which will mean making it private, at least for now. I had the pleasure of attending an acrylic inks demo at Jerry's Artarama, lead by Ophelia Staton, and I showed this technique. I'm sure I read or saw this somewhere, but unfortunately cannot give proper credit since I can't remember where, but I still want to share. I have seen this taught in several books and on websites, but it consist of using baby wipes to transfer color to paper for a watercolor look. It calls for using inks or watercolor liquids, but I had neither, so my tutorial will be with using acrylic paint.

So, gather your supplies:

paints. Just two or three colors. Any more than that and they'll end up too muddied
container with water
spray bottle with water in it.
a few baby wipes. Any brand will do.
disposable plate for paint
paint brush
paper, heavyweight. I used 90lb, but next time will probably get something heavier.

Place a few dollops of paint on your plate. Once again I lacked the foresight and just used a grocery bag to set my paint on, so if you don't already have plastic plates sitting around, by all means, use what you've got - no need to add expenses. Dipping your brush in the water container, pick up water to mix in with your acrylics and begin spreading around your plate without mixing them together. Place the baby wipe neatly and completely spread open on top of the paint. Tap the wipe into the paint. While the wipe is still on the paint, take the spray bottle and saturate the wipe with more water. You want it pretty soaked but not super drippy. Pick up the wipe gently and spread it onto your paper. Take a clean wipe and use it to dab on top of the wipe to evenly cover the paper below it. Continue picking up the wipe gentle and moving it around on your paper until it is completely covered in paint or covered how you desire. Don't get concerned while you are dabbing that the paint on the wipe is getting muddled. Once you remove it from your paper, you will see that it is not muddled. I managed to do 2 sheets with just one wipe and 3 colors, without the colors looking bad. Added bonus, when I was getting ready to clean my mess up, I had a bowl full of nasty looking water. I decided to take that water and use it on a sheet that I had gessoed a few days before and just painted the sheet with the water. Turned out pretty nice if I say so myself. The papers are way prettier in person that in the pictures. I will have to post once I've actually put them into a book and done something with them

Lay colored wipe on paper and dab with another wipe

End result, first paper.

Using leftover water for journal page

Second journal page

Did I do Something?

2010-02-05T15:37:00.003-04:00

Hey - I actually painted something this week - Yea!!! I got a wonderful book a the bookstore the other day called Celebrate your Creative Self by Mary Todd Beam and I found it pretty inspiring. I had bought some acrylic inks over the holidays and didn't do anything with them, so after reading her book and looking at all her beautiful pictures, I pulled out my inks and just had fun putting it on my canvas. I created some texture and effects with some gel medium, aluminum foil, salt, and alcohol. The picture, of course, looks like crap - maybe my next thing will be a photography class. The bright red and yellow in the photo is not dry, so it's brighter than it will end up once dried. Anyway, I just had to share.

Mood: Feeling Good by Nina Simone

Insanity at its Best

2010-01-31T12:33:00.002-04:00

Two post in one day - Oh my goodness. I must be bored. Actually, I'm just feeling slightly...disappointed to put it kindly. Since I love searching for new blogs and am now a single mom, I've been reading other single mom blogs and am left feeling rotten. I must be the worst mom in the world. To read about everyone else's life, it's easy, life is good and their children are wonderful. Not for me. I hate having to raise my kids by myself, I hate not having time to do the things I want to do - there's a lot I hate about my new life. My kids aren't perfect obedient soldiers and I stink at fitting 20 hours of things I need to do within a 24 hour day. I miss my alone time, being able to go out in the evening by myself, having a clean house and getting to relax when I get home. I get mad when I get a call from the school or daycare that one of my kids is sick and I have tot ake off owrk to get them. It annoys me that I get off work at 5pm, the school and daycare are 10 miles away, no traffic and I still don't get home until 6pm. This is my life. I lose my temper, am lucky if I make it to my bed at the end of the night, and never manage to get all the laundry done.
But...
I am a better mother now. I am learning to be patient. I am getting better at planning and prioritizing. I play with the kids more often and I don't let the little things bother me as much. So, maybe one day I'll be as good of a mom as other single moms. For now, I'm just me - an honest mom trying to raise two small kids without going insane in the process.

Time Heals All

2010-01-11T23:42:00.004-04:00

Wow, it's been awhile. I didn't realize it's been since Thanksgiving since I've bothered to update. I'm snow-bound today, therefore bored and looking for something to do. I know it's not much snow to most, but there is ice under that pretty white stuff.
Where do I begin? Well, I am alive and well. In fact, I am more than well, I am the happiest that I've been in quite awhile. Something just clicked for me during the holidays. Maybe it was conversations with friends and co-workers, maybe I just needed time, but I have come to love my new status as a single woman. No, there isn't a new man in my life - no time for that. I think it is just learning to be me again and loving the person I am becoming. I have had countless people tell me that I seem so much happier now so I guess it must be true. The house is officially now all mine and I had to buy a new car. Just the thought of doing this on my own gave me heart palpitations before, but it was a breeze thanks to my wonderful loan officer/financial advisor where I bank (thank goodness for credit unions). So, with this now being "my" house, I have been working on decluttering and making it mine and my taste. I plan on repainting, already got the paint, and just changing the house to be how I've always wanted. I have to say, I can't wait until my husbands stuff is gone so I can get this done.
I have moved beyond my anger toward my ex-husband. In fact, I'm so over my anger that it does not bother me to have to talk to him or see him anymore. I just feels like I'm talking to an acquaintance. It's amazing how much weight is lifted once you let things go. I do have to say that it saddens me a bit to have let go and to feel this happy. It just shouldn't be this easy, but it has been. I am loving reconnecting with friends that I didn't even know cared. It is so true - you never know who your real friends are until your time of need. Thank God for my friends. Unfortunately, I have been cured of the bite from the creativity bug. I just haven't been moved to create much of anything. I haven't even felt like writing (obviously). In fact, I can tell you that I have been writing this post since before Christmas and it is now almost February. I also have 4 post in Draft that I've never posted (guess I'll proofread them and do it some time today). It's the winter - just not my season. Plus I haven't been in a class and I think I've realized that I feed off of other people's creativity. I've joined my local gym and really want to focus on that, so it doesn't leave me much time for other things at night - I have to have some time for the kids.
So, that's it, mostly. Nothing exciting or special, just life moving on. Well, there is that second speeding ticket...

Being Thankful

2009-11-26T23:53:00.002-04:00

Today I had a wonderful thanksgiving with my family - just me, the kids, my mom, sister, her boyfriend and her kids. So nice to have a stress-free thanksgiving with people you know love you and you love in return.
My daughter and I made a thanksgiving tree and hung "leaves" of thanks on it with tinsel. On the leaves we drew or wrote things we were thankful for. It's something that I'm thinking we'll keep up for awhile because my daughter really enjoyed adding more things to be thankful for on it. I have to say that I took the idea from a good friend of mine since she did this at home. - so, thank you Sandra.

Faux Encaustic

2009-11-17T00:38:00.004-04:00

Today I learned a faux encaustic technique. Encaustic is an art technique using beeswax mixed with damar resin and pigment, or at least that's one recipe. I love the look of real encaustic but it is expensive and toxic, so I'll stick with the faux. I can't do all the cool things that I could do with real encaustic, but it was still fun to try. Anyway, this was my mini creation, just something small to test out the technique. I found a piece of cardboard that I painted and used as a background for the piece. Sadly, today was also the last day of art class for the year. Cheryl mentioned the possibility of doing an open studio series so that we can just hang out and get advise as we need it, but also have a space to create, which I know I could use.

Serenity

2009-11-12T23:51:00.003-04:00

Once I posted the picture, I realized I didn't like it and added more paint.

Thought I'd share my tiny corner in my house where I make my mess. I've really got to figure out a way to organize it better. This is also my sewing table which makes it even worse.

Three Little Birds

2009-11-11T23:08:00.003-04:00

I finished this painting today and chose the theme
Because I like Bob Marley
Because I needed some positive inspiration
Because this song has been in my head all week...
And just in case you don't know the words:

Three Little Birds
"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")

Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:"
...

You ge the picture.

More than Green Eggs and Ham

2009-11-10T23:50:00.003-04:00

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Dr.Seuss was a genius!

The Joys and Sorrows of a New Car

2009-11-09T01:44:00.002-04:00

So, I got a new car last weekend and I am totally in love with it. It's a Mazda 5, which is what I fondly refer to as a Micro Minivan. It's about the size of my old Toyota Matrix, but the back doors slide open like a van and it has a 3rd row seat the folds flat. The gas mileage is awesome, I've been averaging close to 30mpg. Needless to say, since it is small and not heavy like my old van, it has some pick up and I don't tend to notice that I'm speeding, so I've already managed to get pulled over by the police. I was on my way to the DMV to renew my license and then planned on going to the bank to finalize the sales paperwork on the car when I was caught speeding. Luckily the cop was really kind and didn't give me a speeding ticket. Unfortunately, my license had been expired for a few months, so he gave me a ticket for the expired license. I was so close to the DMV office, that I could see them - I could've walked there in less than 5 minutes. Anyway, now I have a court date for next month and hopefully the DA will be kind enough to dismiss the ticket. The vultures have already come out in droves, though. I've already managed to get a ton of solicitations from lawyers. The two below are only a small sampling of what I've gotten.

2009-11-09T01:28:00.003-04:00

Frustration has set in. This is the third time I've gone over this painting with white. I just don't know what direction I want to take it. I keep mixing dark tones and just don't like the feeling it evokes after painting it. So, once again, another coat of white.

No - I'm not Depressed

2009-11-06T14:50:00.003-04:00

Still not done but enjoying the process. This is the painting from yesterday at it's next stage. And while I was waiting for that to dry, I did another. My colors are looking a little dark and depressing, maybe I'll add something to lighten them up.

Art Class - Texture

2009-11-05T13:57:00.007-04:00

This was by far my favorite day of art class - texture time!! I am obssessed with texture. Whenever I look at art or fabrics, I always look for and like to feel a texture to it. The painting is in stage 3 of several stages, so it's nowhere near complete, but I was so excited about it that I wanted to post it anyway. The thing I think I enjoy doing the most when I paint is adding that daring color that makes me think I'm going to totally ruin the picture, then making it work. With this one, I was trying to blend a greyed down purple, which turned out more of a brown color, but since I mixed so much, I used it anyway and ended up liking it. Then, I wanted to add a teal like color, couldn't quite get that color but went ahead and used the pretty blue that I had made and really freaked out when I put it on the canvas. After that dried, I did a very light wash of yellow over the entire painting to mute the colors, mostly the blue. Tonight, once I get home, I think I will go with some orange and we'll see how that turns out. I'll post pics when I'm done. The color looks off in the picture compared to in my home. I know that my walls being a "tuscan gold" makes my pics turn out more yellow, so it's not quite as "puke" colored as in the pic. I actually think it looks rather cool at home.

Art Class - Creating Depth

2009-11-02T22:05:00.005-04:00

So, I started my second set of art classes and this past week was learning about creating depth. Our teacher has a ton of magazine pics and photocopies for us to go through for ideas and inspiration or just to copy - I chose a grove of trees. I liked the picture because of the light that was coming in from behind the trees. I chose to do it in shades of blue and kept it simple. It's funny, when I finished it, I didn't care for it much and didn't think it looked right, but after it dried and I had time to contemplate it, I have to say, it turned out ok. I had tons of leftover paint and since I hate to just throw it away, I grabbed another canvas and painted over a picture that I had painted that I didn't care for anyway.

trees (depth study)

leftover paint

Autumn Changes

2009-10-23T14:00:00.006-03:00

I so love the Fall season. It's full of so many changes. It is the one time of the year when I think you truly see natures beauty. Alas, my Fall is full of changes this year too. Just in case you haven't figured it out from cryptic post, I am now a single mother, not by choice. My husband has made his choice to move on without me and I have to follow. I have so many regrets now (waiting to go to school until he finished, putting my career on hold for the kids) and now it will be more difficult for me to fulfill my dreams. But, I will not stop these changes for preventing me from doing the things I wanted to do, from achieving my dreams, and from finding the happiness that true love can bring. I didn't let him leave without telling him that I still loved him and wanted him to stay, I didn't want to regret not letting him know, but it wasn't enough. There is no one to blame but ourselves as we really allowed ourselves to drift so far apart that we were no longer on the same page. Hopefully, things will continue to be amicable, although I'm sure I haven't made things easy. I am amazed at how much anger I have inside right now mixed at the same time with a sense of relief. I guess I feel relief because I felt it coming for a long time. My focus is now directed at my two babies, 5 years old and 21 months old. I think I'm the saddest of all for them. My youngest will never really know his father the way the oldest does and my oldest knows how her father is and is missing him terribly, not that he is an absent father just that she is used to having him around all the time. Anyway, this will be the last time that I mention this as I cannot move forward when I am looking back.

I Will Survive

2009-10-23T12:01:00.003-03:00

My one lonely daisy still surviving as the others have all faded to brown or wilted away. I feel a strange affinity to this one flower. You got to love a survivor.

Something to Make Your Skin Crawl

2009-10-22T21:46:00.004-03:00

Just wanted to share my beautiful creepy, crawly that has invaded my garden - hence why my flower bed is now infested with weeds.

Reflected Light

2009-10-19T23:57:00.003-03:00

In progress. This started out taller than wider, but once I painted it, I felt it looked better displayed sideways.

Touched by an Angel

2009-10-19T21:31:00.002-03:00

I have been touched by an angel today and feel the need to share. I have always been a very skeptical person, but today, I have to say, I have changed my way of thinking. Tonight my daughter wanted to go out to dinner and, since Perkins has free kids night, we went there (plus she loves breakfast food so I knew she'd eat well). When we sat down, I noticed a young man, maybe in his mid to late 20's, sitting by himself reading the newspaper and, for whatever reason, I had the thought that he looked like a very kind person (not something I would normally bother to think) and was surprised to see him sitting by himself. As we sat and waited for dinner to arrive, which took forever, my daughter complained about being hungry and she saw the waiter bring the man his food and asked where ours was. Of course, I had to make a smart comment about how they had to kill the cow in the back and it was taking awhile. The man laughed and made a comment about them being slow, but worth it. We made a little small talk back and forth and he said something like, "you must be exhausted by the time you get home with two kids" and I commented about how true that was, especially being just us. Anyway, he finished his dinner and left. Once we were done, we went to the front to pay for our dinner and was told by our waiter that the man had paid for our dinner and had bought the kids some cookies. I never got a chance to say thank you or anything, which makes his kind act seem to come truly from the heart, which was even more touching. Needless to say, I was in tears after that. There was no need for him to do that. I wasn't complaining about being broke or stressed with crazy kids (they were actually very well behaved). I was just having dinner with my kids and sharing a bit of conversation with a stranger. You don't seem to see much in peoples eyes now adays, with everyone always in a rush, absorbed in their own world and in their own stresses, but I saw something in his eyes the moment I saw him sitting at his table. I saw a real aurabella - a real good soul - and I will never forget it.

Flames

2009-10-16T00:16:00.004-03:00

I should name this one "Flames for my camera" as that's where I feel like putting it. Anyway, enough about my frustrations. Two photos, same painting and neither photo really captures the painting.

This too shall pass...

2009-10-15T00:28:00.002-03:00

New ATC

ATC Dangles and Doodles

2009-10-07T11:46:00.003-03:00

As promised, new pics.
These are some of my zentangles and doodles. Lousy pics, but I'll blame the camera.

Acrylics

2009-10-06T21:53:00.002-03:00

My last day of my art class was today and I got 2 pics to show for it. I'm not too happy with them but not terribly disappointed either. I named the first one "Conception". I love the way the paint makes it look like there is light coming from the center. My camera automatically ajust for lack of light and I didn't use a flash, so the brightness is not from a camera flash or a light shining down on it. I haven't come up with a name for the second one.

No Art

2009-10-06T16:32:00.005-03:00

Well, I haven't been at my best the last couple of weeks, mentally or physically, so I haven't been posting any art. I do have several new creations that I plan on posting soon, it's just a matter of getting that stupid new camera of mine to take a good picture. I consider myself a pretty tech savvy person, but this new camera has me stumped. It does too much automatically and it does it wrong. I just can't figure out a way to change the settings. Anyway, I'll be posting pics soon, just keep checking.

Dwell in the Past

2009-10-05T16:58:00.005-03:00

It seems like silly advice, to dwell in the past when your relationship feels like it is falling apart. But, we should dwell in the past, in the perfect past of the relationship. The times when the picking and playfulness were all fun and not nagging and irritating. The times of the hugging, kissing, cuddling and sincere "I love you", instead of far and few between. The times before the kids, before the stress of a mortgage - before the stress of adulthood caught up and ruined everything. Remember the times when it was easy to let things go for the sake of mutual happiness and love. Just remembering the times that it was us and not you and me before it just doesn't matter anymore.

My Life According to Shirley Manson (Garbage)

2009-09-23T11:48:00.003-03:00

I was tagged and just enjoyed doing this one way too much.

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick Your Artist
Shirley Manson (Garbage)

Are you a male or female:
Stupid Girl

Describe yourself:
Metal Heart

How do you feel:
I think I'm Paranoid

Describe where you currently live:
Happy Home

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Drive you Home

Your favorite form of transportation:
Run Baby Run

Current work status:
Not my Idea

Your best friend is:
Queer

You and your best friends are:
Supervixen

What's the weather like:
I'm Only Happy When it Rains

What's your favorite part of the day:
Cup of Coffee

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Wicked Ways

What is life to you:
Temptation Waits

Your last/current relationship:
Special

Your fear:
Nobody loves you

What is the best advice you have to give:
The Trick is to Keep Breathing

Thought for the Day:
Why Don't You Come Over

How I would like to die:
Sleep Together

My soul's present condition:
A Stroke of Luck

My motto:
Silence is Golden

Art Travel Case

2009-09-17T00:53:00.006-03:00

I got a vintage Samsonite hard train case off of Craigslist the other day for a steal. I'd been looking for one to carry my paint supplies for meetups or classes and was super excited when I got this one. I didn't really care for the color, so I decided to get all crafty. I'm not going to bother with a tutorial for several reasons: 1. I'm using a fabric and don't know how well that's really going to work, 2. It's all basic cut and paste, nothing special, 3. the most important reason, just based on past experience, I'll probably get it finished only to tear it apart in less than a month because I don't like it. I never completely think things through before I start on a project, so a lot of times it can look sloppy so I end up having to tweak it and redo some. It's far from finished and I already know that I'm going to have to redo a few items (the ribbon, paint), but I just couldn't wait. I'll be busy the rest of the week and on the weekend , which means it won't get finished until some time the middle of next week.

This is the original look with the items that I'm going to use on it - a cute cherry fabric, a red polka dot ribbon, and a really cool skull trim.

The "finished" results. I still need to finish painting out the trim and put some rubber feet on it. I also want to varnish over the entire thing, fabric and all, just to help protect it. The pictures really make it look like crap, but it is very cute in person.

Look at how much room I have inside. It still has the original zippered bag, which is conveniently lined in plastic.

Also, still has the original tray.

Not too pretty from behind and on close up, but I wanted you to be able to see the skull trim.

Zentangle

2009-09-16T16:54:00.005-03:00

Art Class

2009-09-16T12:30:00.004-03:00

I went to my first acrylic art class last night. Cheryl McCardle is the teacher and she is very enjoyable to listen to and watch. Sharing our work and critiquing are the part of the class that I do not look forward to having to be a participant. I've only recently started sharing any of my work, mostly due to my fellow bloggers and their sweet comments, but I still don't feel completely comfortable sharing it with others. Not that I have a problem with getting a critique, but it just seems awkward with other people I don't know. Anyway, wish me luck.

Sparkcon

2009-09-15T11:58:00.005-03:00

http://www.sparkcon.com/

Finally - something fun to do downtown. I've managed to miss this every year, but my dh was kind enough to mention it. The entire idea behind it is so awesome - I can't wait to go. They showcase art, fashion, music, poetry, dance - you name it, they've got it. Hopefully I will leave inspired and ready to create.

Asian ATC

2009-09-12T02:07:00.003-03:00

Had the urge to create another card before bed. I took a distressing ink pad and stamped it directly on the paper, covered part of the card with wax paper that I tore along the edge, tore some more of my wallpaper samples off and stamped it. I embossed all the exposed ink, except for the red ink. The wax paper gives the card a really cool look, kinda like encaustic. I might try to cover an entire card with the wax paper next time. With all the different paper and embossing, the card also has a neat texture.

Bloody ATC's

2009-09-11T01:41:00.005-03:00

A couple of ATC's just in time for Halloween.

Painted acrylic background. The acrylic paint gives it a nice texture and sheen. Aged image on left and embossed blood on the teeth on the right card.

Feeling Crafty (with tutorial)

2009-09-10T00:50:00.005-03:00

After scouring the web and not finding any designs I liked, I made my own ATC storage booklet. I am totally in love with it and already have the presentation board cut up for making several more, just gotta pick up some pretty papers. I've typed up a tutorial so that you can make your own. Please let me know if you have any questions and let me know if you make one and post on your own site so that I can visit and admire.
Enjoy!

1. Gather your supplies. You'll need a heavy weight board, such as a presentation book, book board or chip board (or cut up some cardboard or a shoebox if you have some laying around), a pretty paper for the outside/inside lining of the book, a paper for the interior card holder, a strong heavy duty paste, permanent glue sticks, a ruler, a cutting blade or guillotine, cutting board.

2. Cut the board into a strip measuring 11" long and 3 3/4" wide. Cut the strip into 3 pieces with one of the pieces being 1" wide and the other two pieces being the exact same size. It comes out the some odd measurement, hence why I'm not typing that in. Glue the pieces onto the back of the paper that you are using as a cover, using the heavy duty glue. Make sure to leave approximately 1/8" between the pieces and leaving 1" around the edges. Fold in the 1" trim and cover with another piece of decorative paper on the interior.

3. Fold the interior paper so that it is 3 1/4" wide and glue, making a pocket. I know that cards are only 2.5" wide, but you want the pocket to be wider just in case you make/get some chunky ATC's. Cut into pieces 3" high. Glue the pieces together using the glue stick. Only glue the middle of the paper approximately 1" wide, so that when put together, it makes an accordion.

4. Glue papers onto interior of book cover, leaving a small gap at the bottom, maybe 1/8" from the bottom. Let dry and enjoy.

Side view

Finished (almost, see below)

Things I wish I did different:
-I forgot to add some sort of closure, either a ribbon or clasp. I can probably still add it, but will need to consider that it is mostly complete and don't want to damage the cover.
-I put too many slots inside the book. I should've only put maybe 20, I think I put 30-35. I haven't filled it yet but am certain that it will probably bulge when I do since I like dimension on my cards. I could've also made the spine wide to accommodate all the cards.
-Should've added some sort of cutout to the interior slots to help pull the cards out. Since it is 3" long and I have a gap at the bottom, I only have a tiny little lip at the top to pull the cards out, so it can be difficult.

As I said in the beginning, this is a design I created. I'm sure it's not unique but I would appreciate a credit back if you post tutorial to your site.

Cafe Latte vs. Cafe Au Lait

2009-09-09T11:21:00.003-03:00

I'm not a huge coffee drinker, but here lately I've been getting in the habit of having one or two at work. At work we have a nifty machine that makes 20 or so different coffees and teas and you just push the button on the screen and it tells you what packets to put into the machine. I'll normally make a cafe latte with house blend coffee, but the other day when I stopped at the coffee shop and got one, I was told that is is made with a shot of espresso. I didn't put much thought into it until this weekend, after stopping at the coffee shop, my husband asked me what the difference was between a latte and an au lait. Me being me - I decided to find out.

Cafe au lait is equal parts milk and coffee
Cafe Latte is 1/3 espresso shot with 2/3 steamed milk

I guess you learn something new everyday!

Goodies

2009-09-05T23:59:00.004-03:00

Long holiday weekend, so what better to do but make a mess at my craft/art station making ATC's:

Life is Comedy. Some days this is how I truly feel about life. Stamp ink background and pen drawing.

Nature. This one I totally LOVE. I got the bark off of a birch tree when went to Target and attached a stamped and embossed paper to it. You can't really see it, but the paper is a wallpaper sample graduation of green that I got from a sample book (purchased entire sample book for all of $3 at Scrap Exchange!!). The stamp was a gift which makes it even better.

Loteria. This is made from game pieces for Mexican Bingo, also known as Loteria. I used to love playing this with spare change when I lived in Texas. The images are so nice and vibrant in color. I painted the card blue, glued down the images from the game, gessoed over the entire thing, scraped some of the gesso off when it dried and embossed a pattern over it. Still needs something else, so I'll think on this one for a while.

Letting Go

2009-09-04T19:47:00.002-03:00

My daughter just finished her first real week of kindergarten. I have to say I'm a pretty sad mommy right now. She seems so different now, so grown up. I remember seeing her right after her brother was born and thinking that she didn't look like the same girl as she was just hours earlier. She looked so much older than the little girl that she was and that is how I feel now. I look at her and can't see my sweet toddler/preschooler. Now she's a big girl and the way she speaks and carries herself is so different than it was just a few days before. I cannot talk to her like she is a baby anymore or try to explain things that I don't think she is capable of understand because it is already "I know Mommy, you don't have to tell me."
I did what I hoped that I wouldn't do - I cried, not just on the first day, but throughout the week when I would think about her being in school. I went to drop her off at her first day, fully expecting to walk her to her classroom and grateful, at the time, that she wanted to be a big girl and walk in by herself. As I watched her walking into the building, looking like a walking backpack because it was so large, I began to cry. While I was sitting at my desk working, I started thinking about her, wondering if she found her way to the right classroom, wondering if she got lost and was left standing in the hallway crying. So, I packed up my purse, got in the car and headed off to the school, trying to think of an excuse to be there. By the time I got there and went into the school office, I realized how obvious it was going to be as to why I was really there and managed to calm myself down enough to not request to see her. I tell my husband this story and he turns to my with a grin on his face and says, "you just need to let go." He's right, just a little.

There Comes The Strangest Moment by Kate Light

2009-09-02T12:12:00.001-03:00

There comes the strangest moment in your life,
when everything you thought before breaks free--
what you relied upon, as ground-rule and as rite
looks upside down from how it used to be.

Skin's gone pale, your brain is shedding cells,
you question every tenet you set down,
obedient thoughts have turned to infidels
and every verb desires to be a noun.

I want--my want. I love--my love. I'll stay
with you. I thought transitions were the best,
but I want what's here to never go away,
I'll make my peace, my bed, and kiss this breast...

Your heart's in retrograde. You simply have no choice.
Things people told you turn out to be true.
You have to hold that body, hear that voice.
You'd have sworn no one knew you more than you.

How many people thought you'd never change?
But here you are. It's beautiful. It's strange.

Arrg!!

2009-08-31T22:43:00.008-03:00

I had my first "meetup" this weekend with a group of ATC and altered art artist this weekend. It was so nice to share ideas and thoughts with others that have the same hobby. Since becoming a mommy, I just don't get out enough! Needless to say, I was totally inspired to create more cards.

ATC's for my pirate loving daughter. Excuse the quality of the photos, I still haven't figured out my new camera.
These are both ink with an iron-on patch embellishment.

35 for 35

2009-08-28T01:04:00.003-03:00

Today is the day. 35 years have gone by and I still wonder who I am. I am very grateful for what I have. I am still healthy and happy and I have a home, a job and a family that I love. So, going back to not knowing who I am, I have created a list of who I want to be and what I want to do with my life. This is my list - 35 for 35.

go back to school and get a degree

continue expanding my art

be more friendly and social

make time for myself

set goals and strive for them

say what i mean and mean what i say

find my passion

join a social group

write more

laugh more

be adventurous

get fit and lose weight

take my family to Puerto Rico and introduce them to my culture

participate in life

listen to my spirit

find contentment with what I have

garden more

watch less TV

declutter my space

give more to my children of what they really need

control my temper

complain less

remember God

spend less

save more

be rid of debt

foster this partnership that is my marriage

leave it at the door

be less judgemental

spend time with my friends

give myself permission to be me

celebrate the holidays with my family

appreciate my mother

see my inner beauty

well, this one I'll keep for myself...

Artist Retreat

2009-08-25T23:49:00.003-03:00

Yeah - I got invited to my first artist retreat. Unfortunately, I won't be going. I was invited by Jeri at Artful Gatherings - a wonderful website worth visiting. The retreat is in the Smokey Mountains in October - only the best time to go, but between my job and two kids, just not sure I can be prepared and create what I have to have ready before I go. Maybe some other time.

2009-08-24T01:11:00.001-03:00

Overwhelmed by the world
She walks out into the darkness
Not knowing what she'll find.
Drip
Drip
Drip
The thick blood drops...
Cold and alone
She wants to turn around.
Looking at the light behind her, Is anyone there waiting?

ATC's

2009-08-21T22:37:00.007-03:00

I got my first batch (small, but still) of artist trading cards done and ready to post. Just 5 for now but considering I did 3 of these in the space of a few hours tonight with my daughter, I imagine it won't take long before I have quite a few more done. I have to say, I think I'm most excited that I got to use something that I've had sitting around for a few years. I've had a cute, never used magnetic Creative Memories board that I had gotten off Craigslist for free and just never knew what to do with it. Almost gave it away not too long ago. Managed to find where I had put it and hung it over my desk and it is perfect for the cards.
Don't critique too harsh.

This is the first one I did using a gel transfer technique for the Greek writing and decoupaged a photo image from a magazine and painted over it. I don't think I'm quite done with it, but am posting it for now.

One to inspire my daughter

Doodle tree

My attempt at abstract (or maybe cubism)

Folk Art bird

My freebie board, perfect for ATC's

It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want

2009-08-11T13:34:00.004-03:00

What happened? I am suddenly becoming old. OK, I know it didn't happen overnight, but I am REALLY noticing it now. I've never had a problem with getting older. Yeah, things were sagging more and I can't suck in my gut the way I used to, but I have yet to get a gray hair and I don't have any wrinkles, at least that's what I tell myself. This year is different, though. This year I will be 35 years old - in fact, at the end of this month. That is the age that all the medical journals tell you your body is on its way down. Pregnancy becomes difficult and if you manage to get pregnant, complications abound. I have no intention of having anymore kids, but this thought bothers me, as if I am not longer a woman capable of bearing a healthy child. And, yes, I know that this doesn't happen overnight and not everyone at this age has complications, but the medical community stuck an age on it and it so happens to be 35. I now look in the mirror and see an adult. I see how stress and the reality of life has changed my face from the sweet, naive look of my teen years, to this mature, bitter woman of the world. I wouldn't say that I'm angry about it, but I'm definitely not happy about it. So, instead of partying all night (or moping) on the 28th, I'll count my blessings. I will be thankful for my and my families good health, I'll be grateful that I have a job and am not struggling in this economy and I'll remember that I have friends that love me -wrinkles and all!!

I Try for Him

2009-08-10T12:59:00.006-03:00

I find myself more and more comfortable calling myself a Christian. Thinking about it, I think this is the first time I have truly professed it to others, save for a select few other Christian friends. Many years ago, I left the church, bitter and angry with God and Christianity. Sparing all the details, I had a lot of bad experiences caused by people who were "devote and holy people". People that were really nothing but hypocrites. Suddenly being on the outside looking in just made me feel more bitter towards Christianity. Just seemed like there were a lot of people preaching one thing and doing another, spewing hate instead of love, damnation instead of forgiveness. After a few years of searching for something else and dabbling in other things, I had a re-awakening as I like to call it. In all those years, I still found myself turning to God, talking to him, even though I was denying his existence. I debated and reasoned with him every chance I got, asking for explanations as to why things were the way they were, how He could allow things to be this way. In that time, I became friends with someone who was so different from other people I knew. She did not walk around preaching or judging, she just was who she was. She was a reflection of what I thought Christianity was about and was supposed to be and she became my inspiration without knowing it. Unfortunately, I changed jobs and didn't get to see her after except for one visit, which is when I let her know what she had done for me. But, in her friendship I realized what it was that I was looking for in Christianity, I realized my anger was with Christians and not with Christ, and that I wanted to be a Christian. Not a Christian that gets dressed every Sunday morning in her nice clothes and sits in a pew listening to a preacher and singing hymns, regurgitating memorized passages to other believers (not that there is anything wrong with that). I wanted to be a follower of His word, I wanted to be the person Christ asked me to be. I do not pretend to be perfect nor do I act like what some people believe a Christian should act like, but I try my best to be a reflection of Christianity in my actions. I try not to judge, I try to forgive, and I try to just be a good person. This is the Christian I am and I'm OK with that. And, Stephanie, I hope you are still doing well...

Love and Hate

2009-07-20T21:39:00.008-03:00

I have a love/hate relationship with this whole motherhood thing. There are many things I miss about being child-free. Then I think about the silly little things that my children do and it puts a big smile on my face. So here are a few of my loves and misses (since I don't really like the word hate).

LOVE:

Hugs and kisses
Being looked at like I am the most beautiful, important person in the world
First comment from daughter after having her baby brother, "Wow Mommy, you're really skinny."
Reliving the excitement of life through my children
The silly things my kids do and say that only I can manage to find adorable

NOT LOVING/MISS:

Alone time/my space
Peace and quiet
Reverting to immaturity when "debating" with my daughter
The neverending questions
Doing and saying all those things I swore I wouldn't do or say when I became a mother
The second thing my daughter said to me after having her baby brother, " but your legs are still big". I won't even defend my swollen legs as I know other moms know what that is all about.

I have to say, I think the "loves" definitely outweigh everything else. Your turn. Link back or let me know if you post!

**Just to reitterate - I LOVE my children and wouldn't trade them for the world.

NC Museum of Art

2009-07-19T19:12:00.010-03:00

If I needed any proof that I need to get any exercise, today I was struck across the head with a bat. The NC Museum of Art has trails of art outdoors that wind throughout the 164 acre property. They've got great sculptures and interactive displays, like the Whisper Bench, that are very interesting. Unfortunately for me, all of the trails head downhill. Which is great coming, but stinks for going. I have no idea how long the trails are through the Museum Park, but it was way too long for me. It was pretty warm today and sunny, so we didn't go through all of it (not that I'm complaining). Not too happy that I missed the Cloud Chamber for the Trees and the Sky. Maybe next time. I do have to say though, that after resting for a few hours now, I do feel refreshingly good.

Isabel contemplating the sculptures

Collapse I by Ledelle Moe

To see Jennie smile by Steven Siegel

Made of stacks of newspaper, about 23 feet tall

Curse of the Curly Hair

2009-07-17T19:53:00.003-03:00

I've had many people tell me how jealous they are that they don't have curly hair, that they would love to have my hair. Well, having dealt with this curly hair for 30+ years, I know the effort it takes to make it look good and how after all that effort, all it takes is a slight humidity in the air to totally ruin all that hard work. The only physical trait of mine that my son managed to inherit is my curly hair, and boy do the women love it. Everyone always comments on how cute it is and how he's going to have to fight the girls off him. I know better and I have proof.

Confessions of a Slacker Mom

2009-07-14T19:52:00.005-03:00

I am so ashamed, or at least I should be. Since working, I rarely cook and I have to say, I think my children are the worse for it. At first, we would go out to eat, then it changed to picking up McD or pizza. I've wanted to stop that habit, so I've been refusing to pick anything up, but I haven't gone to the grocery store to get dinner stuff. So, what did my kids have for dinner tonight? Cheese sandwich and carrots. Not the best, but at least I can say it was half way healthy with the addition of the carrots. Many times, I just let them snack on whatever, which usually consist of pop tarts and goldfish crackers. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out a way to get healthy, really food on the table without stressing myself out trying to get dinner done. By the time I get home with the kids, it's 5:45 and the kids are starving. My youngest goes to be around 6:00-6:15 and the oldest goes down at 7pm, so how the heck am I supposed to get anything that resembles a real meal completed in time for them to eat? I mean, I'm lucky if the kids get a bath since I prefer give them time with mommy and daddy. They say it takes to weeks to form a habit so, for the next 2 weeks, I'll cook a healthy meal every night. It has to be cheap, easy and something different for every night. Is this too lofty of a goal to set for myself? I sure hope not.

All my baby would eat. Can't blame him...

i like my body when it is with your - e.e. cummings

2009-07-12T23:10:00.002-03:00

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh… And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

Twitter and the Lazy Blogger

2009-07-09T11:54:00.003-03:00

I have to admit, I am one of the few people in the world not at all fascinated by Twitter. I'm also not one for texting on a cell phone and they both seem one in the same to me. I'll admit, I have a Twitter account. Curiosity got the best of me, but didn't keep me around. It just doesn't have the same power as a full post. It is incomplete, incoherent sentences full of IDK and IMHO that I just have the hardest time figuring out. It just doesn't have the beauty of actually writing out a real statement, hence why I enjoy blogging. Twitter seems to me to be another example of how we aren't taking time out for writing or truly communicating with the people in our lives. No filler words, no beauty. The thing that I'm noticing now is people updating their blogs through Twitter. Last night I was cleaning out my Favorites, Blog folder. I noticed a few of the blogs that I used to go to were full of Twitter updates and not much else. I had originally saved these blogs, not because I thought the templates were pretty or they had nice pictures, but because I liked what the person had to say and I loved the way they said it. Some people can just put words together so eloquently and now it seems that more and more of us aren't bothering. Not only that, but actually reading some of these blogs used to get my mind thinking and pulled out my creative spirit. I wonder how our kids will do in high school when they have to take an English class and actually have to write something with meaning, passion and real thought - things that can't be conveyed in a ten word tweet or in single letter abbreviations. Will this generation be able to produce great writers or thinkers?

Guilty Pleasures

2009-07-07T17:07:00.005-03:00

I've been slack lately. Just haven't been very inspired to write or anything. Well, that may not be true. I think I have too much going through my mind right now and can't seem to concentrate it down in a coherent way. Sometimes that makes it even more difficult for me. So, I'm determined to post at least once a week this month. While sitting here trying to think of anything worth doing tonight, I started to wonder, "what is it that I do for my enjoyment?" Most of my time is spent taking care of my kids and husband and when I'm not doing that, I'm working. So, these are the few things I do for myself, as trivial as they may be, my 5 guilty pleasures.
1. Chocolate Frosties - I love going out after the kids have been put to bed and getting a chocolate frosty from Wendy's. I'm not a big chocolate fan and definitely not a big ice cream fan, but there is something about getting one of these late at night, for myself, by myself that I really enjoy. Maybe it's the sneakiness of it, since I always finish it before I come home.
2. Driving in the car - This is the one thing that I think I enjoy more than any. Being in the car, by myself, with whatever music I want to listen to playing. No screaming kids, no husband asking where we are going, just a nice relaxing drive to no where. I'll drive to areas that I've never been to before, down back roads that I am unfamiliar with, hoping to find a new cool shop to explore or a nice neighborhood with beautiful architecture.
3. Facebook - Ok, I've been a little slack on the blogging, but I am definitely addicted to Facebook. I love seeing my old friends, how they've aged (or haven't), their kids or just to see that they are having a great life and are happy.
4. Blog watching - I may not update my blog often, but I love visiting other blogs. My favorite are the craft/art ones and photography ones, maybe because those are two things I enjoy doing. Normally, I'll go to one blog and the next thing you know I'll have 10 tabs open on my window from other links off the original blog.
5. Watching girlie movies - When I say girlie, I mean like "The Joy Luck Club" and "Gone With The Wind", two of my favorite movies. What's nice is that, of course, the hubby doesn't enjoy them, so I can normally watch those peacefully by myself.

Is this bad? I see a theme here of enjoying doing things by myself. Well, it's not that I don't love my family, I think I just miss a little of that quiet time that I used to have before life happened. I guess that's why they call it guilty pleasures.

Holiday Weekend

2009-07-03T18:31:00.005-03:00

Thank God for long holiday weekends. The last couple of weeks have been a little more stressful than usually between work and home. Work is picking up, so I've really had to be on my A game and make sure to follow up. Some days are more stressful than others and you can feel tension around the office at times, but it seems that everyone does their best to handle the stress. I knew when I took the job that coming into Summer, things would get busy, so it's not unexpected. It's a good thing - job security. On top of work picking up, the hubby has been out of town quite a bit, so I've had to manage the kids by myself. I have a new found respect for single mothers that can mange to do it without jumping off a bridge. I've just tried to keep the kids as busy as possible so that when we got home, they could go straight to bed.
Tonight we're going to go see the fireworks. In my town, they do Fourth of July celebrations on the Third so that the North Carolina Symphony can perform. Fun and festivities start at 5 and end at 9:30 with the fireworks. The weather has been pretty nice today, not too hot and low humidity, so at least we won't be sweating like pigs. I'm thinking the kids are incredibly bored, so we're getting out of here.

UPDATE: Never again will we actually park on the park grounds itself. It took us 1 hour and 45 minutes to go 1 mile. Still, it was a nice night.

New Toy

2009-06-22T18:44:00.004-03:00

I got a new camera so I thought I'd post new picks of the flowers. I'm still trying to figure out the camera, so I've been getting annoyed with it. Either the pics come out really, really good or they look like crap. I really wanted a DSLR, but I just can't bring myself to spend the money, so we got a Nikon L100. It's not bad for the money. Anyway, here are some of the good ones.